Performance Matters - The Healthy, High-Performing Cultures Issue - 22

Humans are wired for
interdependence.
Stressful times are the best times for leaders to ask themselves, " Am I bringing
out the best or the worst in my team right now? "
This question gets to the heart of how humans are wired to experience working
with others. Have you noticed how you show up differently when you're under
stress or distress? For some people, you may be an open book-vulnerable
and not afraid to share anything with this person. For others, you may be a
tightly locked vault. With some, you are confident and strong, ready to take on
hard challenges; with others, you feel like you're barely able to keep it together
in the face of difficulty (and hoping it doesn't show).
People show up differently depending on whether they trust that their needs
will be met by a " secure other, " especially during times of uncertainty or
distress. This is a ubiquitous phenomenon that no one is immune to, particularly
in our reporting relationships. Humans are interdependent-we adjust our
behavior significantly based on the trust we have with those around us; we also
experience the challenge of stress much differently.
Many leaders have been conditioned to believe they should always be strong
and independent, not needing others to make them feel safe or validated to be
effective. Perhaps this myth of independence can be true for an instance or
even a season, but over time there is a cost to the person, their role as leader,
and the culture they shape. All humans have needs (including leaders); thriving
humans require safe environments in which they can share their needs and
have them met.
Secure relationships
are critical for safety.
Attachment theory asserts that we are born with a life-depending need for one
another; newborn babies can have food, shelter, and clothing, but without the
felt sense of a secure bond with another human being, they fail to thrive.1
If the
people we seek are not available, responsive, or engaged, we are triggered to
hide, retreat, and withdraw. When people feel isolated, they may be more likely
to react without thinking, even lying or cheating to save face.
In an 80-year longitudinal study on health and happiness, Robert Waldinger,
psychiatrist at Massachusetts General Hospital and professor at Harvard
Medical School,
discovered that relationships-particularly our
relationship satisfaction-have a powerful influence on health at the
end of life. The people in the study who experienced the greatest
satisfaction with their relationships at age 50 were also the
healthiest at age 80.
What about the middle of life where we spend most of our
waking hours at work? Our need for secure relationships
doesn't go away. The implication is that, in times of
stress or distress, your followers reach for you (as a
leader) much like they might a parent or loved one
looking for support and reassurance. When they
receive support and guidance, trust is built; and
when they don't, they become triggered.
1 Attachment Theory and Its Therapeutic
Implications, John Bowlby, 1978
https://psycnet.apa.org/record/1982-00026-001
Performance Matters - The Healthy, High-Performing Cultures Issue

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