April 2005 - 44

PLAY BRIDGE

Bridge Manners & Etiquette

Marie Sander
hatlady@prodigy.net
Well, I think it is a might chilly
for the front porch this evening,
so let's come into the parlor and
enjoy the nice fire. Last time we
talked about the little things - how
to limit our offenses and how not
overreact to them when they are
done unto us. This time we are
going to take on rudeness by our
partners. Just what are you supposed
to do when confronted with an
angry, rude, loud and intimidating
partner? The simple answer is to
remember the rules:
1. All rules of etiquette apply at
the bridge table.
2. It is rude to return rudeness.
With that in mind, one might
think in order to be polite and
not return rudeness, one has to
put up with terrible behavior and
get run over in the game of life.
Not true. Having the shiny veneer
of politeness allows you to have
your way and look good, too.
Also, judging from professional
basketball, returning rudeness or
insults or shouts only causes scenes.
We are not here for scenes; we are
here to have an enjoyable session of
bridge. So important is this idea we
will make a new rule:
3. Avoid scenes
You will notice that the nasty
people go begging for partners,
unless they are married to them or
44

really rich or really good players. So
you begin to see why few of them
slip through the cracks and end up
yelling at you at the table. If it is
your partner, stop playing with him
or her. There are other fish in the
sea, as my dear mother would say.
I know this may be drastic, but in
my mind no amount of "he doesn't
mean it," or "I feel sorry for him,"
or "I could learn so much," makes
up for being abused publicly and
over something we are here to
enjoy. So in my mind, refusing any
more dates with someone who is
way nasty to you at the table is the
answer. They may want to know
why, in which case, you have an
invitation to drag them, kicking
and screaming, into a more genteel
lifestyle. Coming at a partnership
from "It's over" may allow
something new to be born from the
ashes that both you and your partner
can enjoy.
A word about breaking up (is
that a song I hear?): it's hard to
do. Whenever you and a colleague,
friend, spouse or (most significant)
bridge partner are parting ways,
there is no reason for either to leave
feeling lousy. You don't have to
make them wrong or see the errors
of their ways (which never works
anyway). You just have to extricate
yourself. "I don't think our styles
are compatible," "You were so nice
to try to help me, but I don't want
to play at that level." (Let them
take that one any way they like.)
And if you bend the truth, lightning
will not strike. Saying "I can't play

on Wednesday anymore" beats the
hell out of "I would rather have my
teeth pulled out with pliers than
play another minute with you." You
both leave smiling and with general
bonhomie instead of being hurt and
angry. A rule to try to live by (no,
it's not number 4 on the list, just a
thing the Hat Lady finds useful) is
to make your words soft and sweet,
in case you have to eat them later.
This should not be confused with
your generally good-natured and
compatible partner having a bad
day. We all have them. Yes, even the
Hat Lady has been known to snipe
at her beloved partner when she
feels he has erred. She is usually
wrong and ends up eating her words
(see above). So don't deluge The
Hat Lady with mail haranguing her
because she told you to dump your
best friend. She didn't.
Remember always: your partner
is the only one on your side at the
table. You watch her back and she
will watch yours. More precious
than gold is a good partner. Be one.
Y'all play nice now,
The Hat Lady


Holier than ... ?
John Billings of Long Beach
CA overheard this conversation
at a sectional in his hometown.
Asked one player, "Where else
do you play bridge?" Said the
other, "Oh, several places, but
this is the only one sanctified
by the ACBL."
Bridge Bulletin
Table of Contents for the Digital Edition of April 2005
