June 2006 - 45

PLAY BRIDGE

Calling the director
The Hat Lady has recently
been thinking about our own dear
officials, the directors.
Now in the club game, the
director is usually the club owner,
and not necessarily an expert in all
the rulings. That's why they have
a book. The rulings they make are
based on their understanding of the
rules. If you find later that a ruling
was incorrect, the director should be
told for his edification, not to rub
his nose in it. The Hat Lady would
caution anyone against carrying a
grudge about a bad call at the club
game. "Suck it up," is the expression
I believe they use in sports.
When do we call the director? The
party line is any time an irregularity
occurs at the table. (Note, however,
that the dummy should not call the
director until play is over.) Usual
events are revokes, leads out of
turn and exposed cards. When these
occur, raise your hand and say
"Director, please." When the director
arrives, the person who called gets
the mike. Let him talk. The director
will listen and then ask questions of
both sides. If y'all agree with the
scenario as presented by the caller,
the director will tell the table what
to do to restore equity, if anything,
or assign a penalty as prescribed by
law.
The thing to write down on your
hatband and study every round is
that this is not personal. No one is
accusing anyone of any intentional
malfeasance. Bad explanations and
leads out of turn happen. You just
need the director to come over and
help you straighten everything out
so the game can continue. This
sounds so simple away from the
June 2006

fray, but Lordy, the screaming and
carrying-on we have been forced to
endure.
The prickliest of director calls
concern hesitations. Many moons
ago in Memphis, the Hat Lady
was playing with her dear friend.
Well, the Hat Lady had all of 40
masterpoints under her belt, and
the friend was a Life Master who
had played for longer than the Hat
Lady had been alive. And they, of
course, had to play in Flight A. And
it came to pass that an auction of
such length and complexity occurred
that our poor Hat Lady was cast
adrift without the faintest clue what
to do, and she went into the tank
and sat and sat and sat awaiting
divine guidance until she finally
squeaked out "pass." The opponents,
hard-boiled chickadees from some
cold Northern clime, trumpeted
"DI-REK-TOR!" loud enough to
blow the hat clean off her head. And
here came our hero, with Southern
charm oozing from every pore.
After hearing about the Hat Lady's
high crime from her irate opponent,
and seeing Hat Lady's chalky white
face and shaking hands, she turned
to the poor Hat Lady and drawled,
"You may take all the time you
need to make a call. Your partner,
however, may take no inference
from your hesitation. Now continue
the auction, pu-leez." So when you
call the director because someone
has hesitated, please reassure him or
her that it is not personal and you
are not angry, but you have to call
the director because an irregularity
has occurred.
The Hat Lady has compiled a few
pointers when calling the director.
1. Don't yell "DIRECTOR!" Ten

Marie Sander
hatlady@prodigy.net
style points will be deducted for
every player startled.
2. Don't be provoking. Five style
points deducted for every snide
adjective used to describe the
opponent. Just the facts, ma'am.
3. Don't be provoked. And here
your dear hostess must hang her
head and confess to snapping at
an opponent when said opponent
liberally embellished her story with
non-complimentary adverbs and
adjectives. The real reason she is
ashamed is that everyone at the
table, including the storyteller, knew
she was blowing smoke. Responding
to it robbed the Hat Lady of the
schadenfreude she so enjoys. Three
points off.
4. Do not interrupt the speaker.
Your kindergarten teacher could
listen to one only at a time, and it's
still true. Three points.
5. Answer the question that was
asked. Don't take every cue to speak
as an opportunity to heap more
invective.
6. No feeding frenzies. If your
partner is the offender, don't become
the third opponent. Anything that
needs to be said to your partner
should be said privately. In front of
company, if you can't say anything
nice ...
Well, I hope this helps. Y'all
play nice now.
r
45
Table of Contents for the Digital Edition of June 2006
