June 2008 - 22

Bridge in the
Vicarage
The first David Bird story featuring the monks
of St. Titus appeared in Bridge Magazine in
June 1978.
By David Bird

T

he Reverend Richard Hyde
unlatched the oak front door,
and in from howling gale came
Abbot Yorke-Smith, looking even
more red-faced than usual.
"Come and warm yourself by the
fire, Abbot. Father O'Neill is here
already. Who did you manage to get
for a fourth tonight?"
"Well, it wasn't easy to find anyone
on choir practice night, but eventually
I persuaded Brother Anthony to play
again."
"Oh! Er ... good," replied Rev.
Hyde unconvincingly.
Brother Anthony was a rather
unpopular partner since, being a
member of the Eustacian order, he
had to obey their vow of total silence,
and this naturally restricted his accuracy in the bidding. Only the previous
week, the Abbot had had to reprimand a young novice who feigned a
sudden severe cramp in the leg, and
hobbled off towards the infirmary
when he had cut Brother Anthony at
the monastery £1-a-hundred table.
The first deal of the evening was
boldly bid by the Rev. Hyde:

22

Dlr: West  Q J 5 4 3
Vul: None  K 10 6
K72
A7
 10 9 7 6 2
-
N
Q9
W E AJ853
 Q 10 9 8
J5
S
J4
 Q 10 9 6 5 2
AK8
742
A643
K83
West
North
Father Brother
O'Neill Anthony
Pass
Pass
All Pass

East
The
Abbot
1

South
Rev.
Hyde
3NT

It was standard tactics to open light
in front of Brother Anthony's partner
in order to disrupt even further communications which were already
almost non-existent, but Rev. Hyde
clearly regarded his solid holdings as
adequate for the Eustacian gambling
3NT convention.
Father O'Neill's Q was covered
by the king and ace, and the Abbot's
club switch was won in the dummy.
When Rev. Hyde played off four
rounds of spades, the Abbot, shifting uncomfortably in his cassock,
discarded two clubs and two hearts
and was subsequently thrown in to
concede a trick to dummy's 10.
"Sorry, Patrick, I should have tried
baring my knave of hearts," said the
Abbot, reluctantly writing down the
score.
"I forgive you," said his partner in a
professional tone.

Soon afterwards, the Abbot dealt
the cards as follows:
Dlr: East  K Q J 10
Vul: Both  K J
KQJ
KQJ9
8
A643
N
86
W E AQ52
 A 10 5 4 3
8
S
A8732
 10 6 5 4
9752
 10 9 7 4 3
9762
-
Rev. Hyde viewed his dismal
collection in the South seat and
proceeded to open the bidding with
a confident 1. This diversion was,
after all, fairly safe with Brother Anthony as partner.
Brother Anthony gazed wistfully at
his 22-count. What could they make?
A small slam? A grand slam? As he
prepared himself to deliver the almost
imperceptible shake of the head that
had formed his bidding methods for
the past 30-odd years, he thought how
proud of him his fellow Eustacians
must be.
"Surely the Abbot was dealer," said
Father O'Neill suddenly. "Your bid
was out of turn, Richard, but there is
no penalty if the Abbot passes."
"One Club," said the Abbot
promptly, reaching for the rule book,
and eagerly locating the appropriate
section.
"It says that the offender's partner
is ... silenced for the rest of the
auction," he said, unable to hide his
Bridge Bulletin
Table of Contents for the Digital Edition of June 2008
