July 2018 - 21

Maintaining an adversarial relationship with partner was the inspiration
for several submissions. Here's one
from Carol Reed of Red Bluff CA:

Once again, partner
bids and rebids my void, but
vengeance shall be mine.
Wow, ol' Carol sounds kinda hostile.
(Note to self: Bid notrump when playing with Carol.)
Alan Levine was one of the narcissists who sent in multiple entries.
Here's another one from him:

Married eighty years
without a single cross word.
Took up bridge: divorced.
Hey, if she can't take constructive
criticism at the table, ditch her.
Jim Hulseman of Los Altos CA submitted one of my personal favorites:

Former bartender
gets guidance on the right bid:
Make it a double.
Believe me, the editors each needed
a double after reading all of the entries.
And this is the perfect segue for revealing some of the bad entries.
Patricia Herring of Athens TX
submitted this disturbing haiku:

Bid, declare, defend
Learning to trust your partner
Violence contained.
"Violence contained"?! Somebody
needs a Xanax.
Lauren McCabe of Santa Cruz CA
assaulted us with this:

Partner you need new?
Criticize during the play
Alone you will be.
Apparently, this is supposed to be
read in the voice of Yoda. Fine, two can
play at that game: Terrible this is.

And the worst entry comes from
Robert Gaare of Kennesaw GA who
forwarded this stinker:

Send to Linxwiler
Despite his protestations
He loves bridge haiku.
This transparent attempt to curry
favor by including my name in the
haiku was roundly rejected by all of the
editors. Atrocious. (And I hate bridge
haiku, just to be clear.)
As punishment, Mr. Gaare will lose
half his masterpoints, and he'll receive
a copy of whatever the latest book from
George Jacobs is.
Back to the good poems. The runnerup for the contest was submitted by
Wendy Morrison of Silver Spring MD,
a champion of haiku poetry. She calls
this one "Reckless Partner":

All those conventions
won't save us from disaster
if you overbid.
The truth: a poor system played well
is better than a good system played
poorly.
The winner of the Bridge Bulletin
haiku contest is Marc Rissman of The
Villages FL who crafted this gem:

The love of my life
Sits across the bridge table
Bidding who knows what.
Be honest: Those of you who play
with a significant other are nodding
your heads in agreement, yes? Congratulations, Mr. Rissman: You will receive
$25 in Bridge Bucks for your efforts.
(Yes, we're cheap. And, no, you may not
ask when the next contest is.)

Wrapping up, here are some Honorable Mentions. The aforementioned
Pamela Hudson sent in multiple
entries including this one:

I bid like Bergen.
I play like Brother Lucius.
So why do I lose?
Benjamin Epstein of Berkeley CA
confesses to a bad habit:

Looking like a slam.
Tried Blackwood with a void.
Down two off the top.
(We're going to frame this one and
send it to Steve Weinstein.)
Alan Levine offered a third haiku
(really?):

Doubled redoubled.
Never thought I would be down
At the one level.
Bill Langlois also had multiple
entries, including this one called "Momentary Lapse":

Forgot to unblock.
Declarer knew what to do.
So now I'm endplayed.
Don Doolittle of Irving TX describes a nightmare:

At seven notrump
I played my singleton ace
But it was pard's lead.
Lastly, the raunchiest entry came
from runner-up Wendy Morrison
with this one dubbed "That's What
Your Girlfriend Said":

Must you always make
the same old joke when it goes
"One club" - "Could be short!"?

July 2018 Bridge Bulletin

21
Table of Contents for the Digital Edition of July 2018
