June 2020 - 17
probably yip a little to myself after John's double because of
my takeout/penalty condition, but I think it's safe to assume
I'd Alert, and that's what John must be doing now, even
though I'm not allowed to see it.
Apparently North needs a little tank time, so I use the interval to weigh my options. I have only four hearts, and John
supposedly has three. If North passes, I could bid diamonds,
but John's initial club bid and three-card heart holding indicates he likely has three diamonds tops. Diamonds is a really
a bad idea because I'm not sure how he'll take it - if he thinks
it's some kind of massive, distributional game try with hearts
and diamonds, my hand is not good enough. Notrump isn't
quite right either, with my singleton club and limited values,
even though John opened 1♣ and I can stop diamonds and
spades. I decide if North passes, I'll hold my nose, cross my
fingers and bid 2♥. If North makes a call, I'll deal with it.
North passes, and I bid 2♥in tempo. Pause.
Now South's getting into it? What the heck, these guys
originally passed. What on earth is going on? Was I wrong
about John's support double? Oh, no! What if he only has
two hearts? What if he has none ... or even fewer? Help!
Somebody, do something!
My husband sticks his head around the corner to see if I'm
OK. I'm not, but I wave him away. John passes, North takes
another freaking pause for lord's sake, and passes, which
means I'm stuck, and we might as well kiss that 54% goodbye. Oh well ...
South leads the ♠5, and when John's hand comes down,
it includes three - count 'em, three - glorious hearts to the
queen, lord bless him:
dickenjb
♠A8
♥Q62
♦ A 10 9
♣QJ82
gh99
♠KJ4
♥ K J 10 7
♦J7643
♣ 10
As I play out the hand, I glance down at the bottom and
notice that John has a few choice words to share with the
group:
dickenjb [arrow] Table: how many times do I have to
explain
dickenjb [arrow] Table: I showed 3 cd ♥
Ah, so that's what all that pausing was about. They were
asking him to explain everything more times than John
felt was necessary. Maybe these guys don't know support
doubles?
Regardless, the defense is not stellar, and I make nine
tricks for plus 140. To be fair, we don't get a top board, just
60%. The contracts are all over the place, and if we'd pushed
to game (fat chance) and I'd bothered with a couple of diamond finesses, I might have made it.
So I'm hooked, and you know where to find me for the rest
of the pandemic. I wonder what will happen once it's over?
I'm terribly worried about all our vulnerable oldsters, especially Colorado Springs and Tucson, and I really hope we all
make it. No matter what, I imagine a lot of players who have
been housebound all along due to one infirmity or another
will be able to play a lot more with their friends now that
we've all been coaxed into trying this new venue. So there's
that.
As for me, I'll be heading back to the clubs, armed with
Purell and a mask if I can find one. I imagine I will keep
playing in these club games on BBO if they continue, if only
for kicks.
I've been keeping a tally of what I miss and what I don't. In
some ways, it's a close call.
Here's what I miss: The chicken salad at Valley Forge
Bridge Club. What I don't miss: milestone cakes. (Actually
what I really miss is stopping for takeout at the Whole Foods
hot bar in order to keep myself from eating milestone cake
or the chicken salad at Valley Forge.)
I miss free movie recommendations and medical tips. I
don't miss people who wear too much cologne or have body
odor, although bad smells could be useful now, given we've
been told an early sign of COVID-19 is loss of taste and
smell. I miss when the opponents are yelling at each other
after a round, a sure sign we're in good shape. I miss trying
to read tells at the table. I even kind of miss men (mostly)
who pull a card from their hand in tempo (a card we all know
is a winner) and then hold it in midair so they can "think"
for like an hour before carelessly letting it sort of topple over
onto the table. Big deal ...
I don't miss sit-outs, and faulty Bridgemates, but I do miss
the possibility that Arnold Selig will pull a can of tuna fish
out of his pocket and throw it on the table when he's about
to bid 3♦, or cast his eye around the room and ask, "Where's
Jack Mendelsohn?" while deciding which way to finesse for
the jack. I miss shuffling so many times that Lisa will quote
her grandmother: "Shuffle those cards one more time, and
you're going to knock the t**s off the queens."
Most of all, I miss seeing my partners. I miss sitting opposite migraine-prone Lisa in her dark shades and sunglassgreen casino dealer's eyeshade, shielding herself from
fluorescent lights, humming tunelessly under her breath
so the opponents will think she's got it all under control
as declarer when we've landed in an unmakeable slam. I
miss John repeating old stories and mimicking people with
British accents. I miss Deb Crisfield in deep concentration,
completely unaware she's pulled her turtleneck up to her
nose like Mort from Bazooka Joe (which,
come to think of it, might be a good look postpandemic).
But for now, I'm just here. So, let's see ...
maybe TeenyBopperBridgePixie is looking
for a game.
◾
June 2020 Bridge Bulletin
17
June 2020
Table of Contents for the Digital Edition of June 2020
In First Seat - Paul Linxwiler
Inbox -Letters to the Editor
A Message from the Executive Director
Virtual Clubs
Bring It Online
It Had to Be You
Get Physical
Gimme a D
Splendid Spot - The Curious history of the Beer Card
Educational Foundation News
Club News
Product Reviews
Ruling the Game
The Bidding Box
It's Your Call
Card Play 101 - by Phillip Alder
Parrish the Thought - Adam Parrish
Reasoning with Robert - Robert Todd
Startup Bridge by Lynn Berg
Ask Jerry - by Jerry Helms
Bidding Basics by Larry Cohen
Lessons Learned by Michael Berkowitz
Mike's Bridge Lesson - Mike Lawrence
Chalk Talk- Eddie Kantar
West Hands -Bidding Box
Boehm on Bridge
East Hands -Bidding Box
The Real Deal - by Larry Cohen
Challenge of the Month
Better Bridge with Bergen-Marty Bergen
Bidding Matters - by Karen Walker
Test Your Play
Mike's Advice - by Mike Lawrence
Solutions to Test Your Play
My Bridge and Yours - by Frank Stewart
Nominations
Dear Billy - by Billy Miller
Bridge with the Abbot - by David Bird
George's World - by George Jacobs
Life Master Milestones
New Life Masters
In Memoriam
Obituary - Milton Rosenberg (1944-2020)
Big Games
Puzzle Page
Tournament Directory
June 2020 - 1
June 2020 - 2
June 2020 - 3
June 2020 - 4
June 2020 - 5
June 2020 - In First Seat - Paul Linxwiler
June 2020 - Inbox -Letters to the Editor
June 2020 - 8
June 2020 - A Message from the Executive Director
June 2020 - 10
June 2020 - 11
June 2020 - Virtual Clubs
June 2020 - 13
June 2020 - 14
June 2020 - 15
June 2020 - 16
June 2020 - 17
June 2020 - Bring It Online
June 2020 - 19
June 2020 - It Had to Be You
June 2020 - 21
June 2020 - Get Physical
June 2020 - 23
June 2020 - Gimme a D
June 2020 - 25
June 2020 - 26
June 2020 - 27
June 2020 - Splendid Spot - The Curious history of the Beer Card
June 2020 - 29
June 2020 - Educational Foundation News
June 2020 - 31
June 2020 - Club News
June 2020 - Product Reviews
June 2020 - 34
June 2020 - 35
June 2020 - Ruling the Game
June 2020 - The Bidding Box
June 2020 - 38
June 2020 - 39
June 2020 - It's Your Call
June 2020 - 41
June 2020 - 42
June 2020 - 43
June 2020 - Card Play 101 - by Phillip Alder
June 2020 - Parrish the Thought - Adam Parrish
June 2020 - Reasoning with Robert - Robert Todd
June 2020 - Startup Bridge by Lynn Berg
June 2020 - Ask Jerry - by Jerry Helms
June 2020 - Bidding Basics by Larry Cohen
June 2020 - 50
June 2020 - Lessons Learned by Michael Berkowitz
June 2020 - Mike's Bridge Lesson - Mike Lawrence
June 2020 - West Hands -Bidding Box
June 2020 - Boehm on Bridge
June 2020 - The Real Deal - by Larry Cohen
June 2020 - Challenge of the Month
June 2020 - Better Bridge with Bergen-Marty Bergen
June 2020 - Bidding Matters - by Karen Walker
June 2020 - Test Your Play
June 2020 - Mike's Advice - by Mike Lawrence
June 2020 - Solutions to Test Your Play
June 2020 - My Bridge and Yours - by Frank Stewart
June 2020 - Dear Billy - by Billy Miller
June 2020 - Bridge with the Abbot - by David Bird
June 2020 - George's World - by George Jacobs
June 2020 - Life Master Milestones
June 2020 - 67
June 2020 - New Life Masters
June 2020 - Obituary - Milton Rosenberg (1944-2020)
June 2020 - Big Games
June 2020 - Puzzle Page
June 2020 - Tournament Directory
June 2020 - 73
June 2020 - 74
June 2020 - 75
June 2020 - 76
June 2020 - 77
June 2020 - 78
June 2020 - 79
June 2020 - 80
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