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. . . only one of the participants indicated that they would choose an
adjusted career plan that would move them outside of higher education.
For many of the others, the experience of providing support to an RA exhibiting
suicidal behavior confirmed their desire to pursue future positions that would
allow them to enhance and expand their support.
" see some of those direct impacts [but less] immediate interaction with students. But
knowing that day in and day out the choices I was making was for the direct benefit
of students. "
Changed Career Path: Disengaging from Crisis Management
When Karen began a professional role in residence life more than nine years before,
she wanted to become a college president.
When I first started [what I wanted] was to be a president of a university . . . there's not
a lot of female presidents. And so I said, " Great, I'm gonna make this happen. I'm gonna
do this, I will run the place. "
To begin her climb toward this goal, she entered higher education as a residence hall
director. She enjoyed much of what was required of her in this role.
I enjoy[ed] being on call and dealing with tough situations. Like it kind of gives me
a superhero complex. I feel like I showed up. I saved a life tonight. I did something
amazing. And so, I enjoy that kind of aspect.
However, the experience of trying to support RAs having suicidal ideation made her
feel overwhelmed. Working with RAs in these situations required her to " drop what
I'm doing in my life. I've left grocery carts full of food at the grocery store when the
phone rings to race back to campus. " These interactions led to lots of " unscheduled
time, " with the support of an RA taking " about six months of my time. " Karen also
found it difficult to process her own emotions because she didn't feel comfortable discussing
the cases on campus and wanted to protect their anonymity. Consequently, she
kept these interactions from co-workers who might have helped her cope or to find the
kind of support she herself needed as a professional.
As these kinds of interactions unfolded, Karen found that she " disengage[d] from
work more than I typically would, just because that [RA with suicidal ideation] was
going to be on my mind. " She refrained from telling her supervisor what was going
on because " I didn't know how to tell them . . . I would have [to] put something in a
report. But I also didn't want to out the student and their situation. All of that was very
draining. " Her coping mechanism was to disengage. After her first few cases, she felt
more guarded in supporting students.
When staff starts to open up about something I say, okay, great. Here's what I can do
by offering resources, that is the extent of what I can do. And that's a good boundary
setting. . . . And then I removed myself from the situation, which is also against my nature,
because I genuinely do care. I feel very guilty for doing that. And I'd never want to get
back into that situation, because that was so difficult.
Volume 49, No. 3 * 2023 99

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