Connections: February 2023 - 10

Skylar's
Bench
In June, 2018, Dartmouth Hitchcock
Clinics Patient Access Specialist
Teri Desmarais tragically lost her
granddaughter Skylar Desmarais to
suicide. She was 11 years old. " Despite
her positive attitude and jovial laugh, "
Skylar's family wrote in her obituary,
" Skylar struggled daily with depression
and anxiety stemming from severe
verbal and cyber bullying at school. "
In the hope of helping others, Teri and
her family have shared Skylar's story
widely, including in this Boston.com
story soon after Skylar's passing.
Teri also shared her story with her colleagues at Dartmouth
Skylar Desmarais
Health's Patience Service Center (PSC). In this commentary,,
PSC Operations Readiness Specialist Lisa DuPont shares
the story of the PSC's efforts to support their colleague and
to memorialize Skylar at Girls Inc. of New Hampshire in
Manchester-a place near and dear to Skylar and the entire
Desmarais family.
W
hen I first heard Skylar's story, in late 2021, I knew had to do
something. What could possibly be positive or meaningful after
the loss of this precious child? In my mind I silently heard " a bench. " A
" buddy " bench, a " friendship " bench. A bench for Skylar!
I shared the idea with my colleagues on the PSC's Engagement Action
Committee. I knew this could be accomplished with no cost for materials
and with the kindness of volunteers to build it. Experience, compassion
and benevolence have taught me that.
Free plans for the perfect bench were found online. I contacted Home
Depot and explained the project and delivered a letter and the list of
materials. On October 6, 2022, the assistant manager at Home Depot in
West Lebanon called to let me know that the request was approved: All the
materials were set aside for me, awaiting pick-up, and all at no charge.
That day, October 6, would have been Skylar's 16th birthday.
Meanwhile, we needed a volunteer to build the bench. So I contacted
my niece, Kayla Rose (a former Dartmouth Health employee), and her
partner, Justin Farnham. After I explained the project, Kayla and Justin
happily volunteered.
A new PSC manager, Kelly O'Brien, had become involved. She was in
contact with Girls Inc. leadership, and we shared the status and progress of
Skylar's Bench. Everything was falling into place, aligning as all was meant
to be. It felt as if we were being guided to accomplish this project.
Skylar's bench finally made its way to its forever home at Girls Inc. on
December 2, 2022. Many of Skylar's friends and family gathered that day,
sharing comforting hugs and heartwarming stories of Skylar. As Skylar's
Members of the PSC team gather around Skylar's Bench. Seated: Teri Desmarais, Patient
Access Specialist and Skylar's grandmother; Michael Desmarais, Skylar's dad. Standing,
left to right: Kelly O'Brien, PSC Manager; Melinda Walker, PSC Manager; Aubryana
Forbes, PSC Supervisor; Julie Hempfield, PSC Manager; Tim Bliss, PSC Director
If you or someone you know is experiencing suicidal thoughts or suffering
a crisis, please reach out immediately. The national 988 Suicide and Crisis
Hotline is available 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, by calling or texting 988, or
by online chat. Resources for addressing bullying can also be found here.
friends and family each took turns admiring
her purple bench up close, some sat for
a few moments, sharing memories and
making new ones in her honor. Others
gently brushed over the bench as though
they were lovingly touching her cheek,
smiling at the chance to be there in that
moment. Her presence was everywhere.
The making of Skylar's Bench made all of
us who were involved in the process closer.
Skylar inspired the ultimate connection for
Girls Inc. to host this tribute to the kindness
and compassion of community. Say what
you will-the connections, the coincidences,
the divine intervention, whatever one
believes-Skylar's Bench was meant to
be! With inspiration and motivation and
perseverance, the universe aligned perfectly.
We hope that this bench also brings
comfort to the Desmarais family, knowing
that, for years to come, many girls will
spend time sitting side by side, sharing their
stories, supporting one another, and shining
kindness onto others whenever possible in loving memory of Skylar.
To say this project has been the epitome of the culture we strive for here
at the PSC would be an understatement. From the donated materials, and
the volunteers who built the bench and painted it in Skylar's favorite color,
to the coordination of bringing all the pieces together-every step along
the way has been an act of pure kind-heartedness. There is no doubt that
Skylar has been with all of us throughout this journey.
https://www.boston.com/news/local-news/2018/07/10/family-says-new-hampshire-11-year-old-took-her-own-life-severe-bullying/?amp=1 https://www.boston.com/news/local-news/2018/07/10/family-says-new-hampshire-11-year-old-took-her-own-life-severe-bullying/?amp=1 https://girlsincnewhampshire.org/ https://988lifeline.org/chat/ https://mhanational.org/bullying-what-do-if-im-bullied
Connections: February 2023

Table of Contents for the Digital Edition of Connections: February 2023
