Commercial Integrator May 2023 - 7

In their research, one factor - good relationships
- stood above everything else. The
data, collected over 85 years, showed that
if you were to make one decision to ensure
your own health and happiness it would
be cultivating warm relationships. The
co-authors write, " This is our greatest need:
meaningful human connection. " Keep this in
mind as I explain in more detail.
What follows are some key messages
from the book. I feel they apply to all of us.
It's important to have people to whom
you can talk and on whom you can rely. In
a recent interview, the co-authors explain,
" Really, what you need is somebody in
your life who you can call on. We think
that everybody needs at least one person
in their life who they feel is a safety net for
them...who would have their back if they
were really in trouble. " Data shows that
people who don't have that support can
end up chronically stressed, a condition
that has negative health implications.
The authors advise us not to underestimate
the power of casual connections
or exchanging little pleasantries with a
stranger. Research has found these interactions
give us little " hits " of well-being.
Something about getting positive responses
from someone else makes us feel good.
Even so, we often think they " don't really
matter, " and we ignore that little bit of
well-being we get.
A Good Life is Complicated
The authors point out that a good life is a
complicated one. Life is not about 100%
leisure and relaxation. Research shows
the people who are the happiest and
have the greatest sense of well-being are
those who find life brings challenges that
they can meet. As the authors observe,
the greatest satisfaction often comes
from doing hard things, such as raising
children or starting a business. When our
life brings challenges that are interesting
- challenges that allow us to feel like
we've accomplished something - it is
very satisfying. " According to Waldinger,
the research clearly shows that wealth
and privilege don't buy you happiness.
The authors are quick to point out that
nobody is happy all the time - and that's
OK. According to Waldinger, if you're not
happy all the time, it doesn't mean you're
commercialintegrator.com
doing something wrong - you're just
experiencing the truth of being alive. He
adds that, yes, for sure, we can improve
our lives and improve our happiness. But
we oughtn't to expect ourselves always
to be happy. It's important to remember,
he says, that everyone faces stress and
challenges. So, even though it seems like
other people have it all figured out and are
happy all the time, that simply is not true.
It's a great idea to cultivate warm
relationships at work. For many people,
work occupies more of their waking hours
than anything else does. That means work
relationships are important, the Harvard
study has found. According to Waldinger,
really good research backs up this conclusion,
showing that having a personal friend
at work makes a huge difference in our
well-being.
sonal relationships, business relationships
require continual maintenance. Mutual
benefit (think win/win) and ongoing
communication are important ingredients
to success. By the way, effective and
meaningful communication does not mean
a quarterly email blast!
Pinpoint Your Best
Of course, it's impossible to have weekly
or monthly conversations with all your
contacts. Instead, you should focus on
those you consider valuable. Pinpoint your
best clients, partners and vendors; then,
continually check up on them. Express your
interest in their business and let them know
that you're thinking about them and that
you're there to help. If you want to keep
the relationship alive, make this outreach
routine. If you let too much time go by, your
With 70% of sales happening before (or in spite of)
a salesperson getting involved, relationships take
on a new meaning.
Never Too Late
The research shows that it's never too late
to be happy. The study has followed people
for 85 years, which means researchers
have watched thousands of lives unfold
from adolescence to old age. As Waldinger
describes the findings, the researchers
came to understand that it's never too late.
Some people thought they were no good
at relationships...thought they'd always be
alone. Then, when they least expected it,
they would find a new group of friends that
they never had before, or they would find
love. Sometimes, people in their 60s, 70s
or 80s would find these things for the very
first time. So, the message that comes from
the research is clear, Waldinger says: " If
you think it's too late for you to have better
relationships, think again! "
Thus, exhaustive research shows the
number-one way to achieve happiness is
to cultivate relationships. The meaning
for us personally seems obvious. However,
let's try to tie this together with our
business lives. Think about your business
happiness and how relationships apply to
it. There are various types of relationships
(e.g., peer to peer, employee to manager,
employee to customer). As with interpercontact
- whenever it comes - will seem
less genuine. By then, what might have
been a solid relationship will have dissipated.
Think " out of sight, out of mind. "
With 70% of sales happening before
(or in spite of) a salesperson getting
involved, relationships take on a new
meaning. I, like many, literally know thousands
of people...but only a few hundred
fit into true, ongoing relationships. I can
already hear the comments from the naysayers
that " this relationship stuff " takes
too much time. After all, you react to what
is on your plate day to day, and that is all
you can do, right? I suggest - and the
research backs me up - that if you do
not invest time in true relationships and
continually maintain them, people will
gravitate to people who are willing to
participate in a win/win manner that will
lead to business happiness.
Is our business a relationship business?
Yes, ladies and gentlemen - more than
ever before!
Alan C. Brawn, CTS, ISF-C,
DSCE, DSDE, DCME, DSNE,
DSSP, is principal of Brawn
Consulting.
MAY 2023 Commercial Integrator
7
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Commercial Integrator May 2023

Table of Contents for the Digital Edition of Commercial Integrator May 2023
