BALANCE_WINTER_2024 - 16

the
Quiz
THE RESULTS
MOSTLY Cs
BOUNDARY
TYPES
You're a flexible
boundary setter
MOSTLY As
You're a rigid
boundary setter
" You might come across as confident,
self assured and self reliant, " explains
counsellor Georgina Sturmer, " but that
may be because life has taught you that
you can't rely on anyone else - the only
way to make sure you're OK is to do
stuff on your own. "
You're good at independent working,
but often there's no room for
negotiation and that may lead to
avoidance and control in relationships.
PATH TO GROWTH: Work on learning
to trust other people and not always
keeping them at arm's length.
Your boundaries are like a garden
fence - low enough to see over, but
high enough to offer safety and
security at the same time.
" You're confident in your own
voice and judgment and although you
listen to other people, you use your
own barometer to decide how you
feel, " explains Georgina.
" You understand what's their
responsibility and what's not and
feel comfortable saying no in a
considered, polite way. It's a flexible,
healthy place to be. "
PATH TO GROWTH: Remember that
boundaries can change depending
on different circumstances or
people. Harness that flexibility.
Psychotherapist Jennifer
Gledhill explains different
types of boundaries that
exist in all our lives
EMOTIONAL: These are
the limits you set for
protecting your wellbeing.
For some an argument
may be acceptable, but
not if the other person
calls you a harsh name.
PHYSICAL: These protect
your personal space.
Jennifer explains, " Some
people are OK with
hugging, others aren't. "
MOSTLY Ds
MOSTLY Bs
You're a porus
boundary setter
You employ a combination of soft and
rigid boundaries. One day they're strict
and unbending, the next you're happy to
surrender your needs for those of others.
This can confuse those closest to you as
its difficult to know where they stand.
" Setting good boundaries means you
shouldn't say one thing and do another, "
says Georgina, but adds some flexibility
is to be expected. " We change as we go
through life, the paths in our brains alter
and we can build new ones. "
PATH TO GROWTH: To gain respect
for your boundaries, respect others in
return. Communication is key.
You're a soft
boundary setter
As a 'people pleaser' you're always the
most helpful person in the room; you
love to fuss around others and are seen
as pretty laid-back.
" If you have very soft boundaries
- or none at all - you might struggle
to make a decision or assert yourself,
leaving you vulnerable or open to
manipulation, " says Georgina.
Although you might be happy to go
along with what other people enjoy or
want, it can result in a loss of identity.
PATH TO GROWTH: Think about
why you want to please others - is
it to attract their attention? Practise
saying 'no' - it's empowering!
SEXUAL: " Give yourself
space and talk with a
partner about what does
or doesn't feel right. "
PROFESSIONAL: You can
employ both flexible and
hard boundaries here
depending on colleagues
and situations.
POSSESSIONS: " It's
always good to make
boundaries clear before
you lend someone a
prized possession, "
counsels Jennifer. B
16
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