BALANCE_WINTER_2024 - 43

HIGHER GROUND
" My family is a
smorgasbord
" Everyone
has their
challenges.
of undiagnosed
mental illness "
Colin Hoult,
45, is an actor
and comedian whose stand-up shows and podcast
explore his ways of coping with ADHD
" On stage, I've described my family as 'a smorgasbord of
undiagnosed mental illness'. My dad was 'normal' and did
try to apply some rules to our chaotic household, but they
didn't stick. My mum and brothers seemed to blur the
lines between fantasy and reality - it was all superstition,
secrets and fake news. I struggled to make sense of it all.
" Neurodivergence wasn't talked about, but I was always
losing friends. I'd forget things, or let them down, or turn
up late. Later, I'd leave WhatsApp groups after making a
jovial remark then panicking that I'd said the wrong thing.
" 'Why do you always have to be weird?' my friends
would ask, like I'd chosen to act the way I did. To me, the
idea of being a 'normal person' was genuinely wonderful.
Even now, if I work out which kitchen drawer knives and
forks should go in, I experience a kind of orgasmic bliss!
" My mum rang me recently and said 'I think I've got that
ABCD.' Personally, I only discovered I had ADHD a few
years ago after a friend was diagnosed. My wife said, 'I
think this is you, too.' I watched How to ADHD on
YouTube and cried because I saw this was behaviour other
people had. It was like finding a group of mates that I loved.
" I went through a weird grieving process after the
official diagnosis, fluctuating between 'it explains things,
I can be myself' to the despair of feeling like there was
something wrong with me. I really struggle with resilience,
but journaling can really help me get off that hamster
wheel of negative thoughts. Putting it all on paper means
it's not whirling around my head. I also tap myself on the
chest and say, 'strength, energy, conviction, commitment'
because I never really had them growing up.
" A lot of people are struggling with neurodivergence and
mental health issues, and I'd advise going for a diagnosis
and doing some exploring. I sometimes feel like my family
is living proof of what happens when you don't. "
We're all out
there being
invincible "
Elle Jones, 27, an
NHS respiratory
physiologist from Southsea, has been deaf since
birth. In 2022, she got another devastating
diagnosis, but running has helped her cope
" What is resilience? For me, it's about continuing to show
up for myself through life's challenges. When things get
tough, I tell myself 'this is just a temporary thing', or I start
to visualise the end of a race. Having a sensory disability
since birth had already made me quite resilient. I had more
challenges from the get-go than an able-hearing individual.
" In my early 20s I started noticing some peripheral
vision issues and when walking at night, I'd always
struggle compared with my friends. Two years ago I was
diagnosed with retinitis pigmentosa and, after genetic
testing, was given an official diagnosis of Usher Syndrome,
which is the leading cause of deafblindness in young
people. My sight loss will be progressive and there's
uncertainty about how bad my vision will be as I age.
" At the time, I felt hopeless. I had previously battled
with depression and anxiety and this was massively
exacerbated by the diagnosis. I immediately had my
driving licence medically revoked so it all became real
very quickly - I felt like my independence was gone.
" But there came a point when I decided that I needed to
change my outlook from constant negative thinking into
being more positive and productive. I was always sporty,
so I decided to focus on a sport that would be adaptable if
my sight loss progressed. I started getting into running and
signed up to the London Marathon 2024 to raise funds for
Sense, the national disability charity. It made me feel part
of a universal thing - I saw blind people with guides, elite
runners, walkers, amputees... we were all out there being
invincible. Everyone has their own challenges but we
were all doing our best to find a way through.
" For others facing a challenge, keep that positive energy
up - you don't have to run a marathon. Just getting up and
brushing your teeth needs willpower sometimes. "
43
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