BALANCE_WINTER_2024 - 51

AT TACHMENT MAT TERS
ANXIOUS
AVOIDANT
how you relate to others as an adult, "
explains TV relationship expert and
BALANCE cover star Paul C Brunson.
Getting to know your own
style and how it might affect your
relationships - for better or worse
- can empower you to address any
unhealthy patterns that might be
holding you back.
FOLLOWING A PATTERN
There are four main attachment
styles - secure, anxious, avoidant
and disorganised. " Securely attached
people have a healthy way of
engaging with romantic partners, "
explains Paul. They give and receive
love easily, communicate openly and
don't worry too much about where
they sit in their partner's affections.
Does this sound too good to be
true? Then it's likely you have
either an anxious, avoidant or
disorganised attachment style
instead. " If our caregivers couldn't
consistently give us the love, safety,
attunement and connection that
we needed as children,
then we will develop
one of three insecure
styles, " explains traumainformed
life coach and
somatic experiencing
practitioner Sarah Baldwin
(sarahbaldwincoaching.com).
Anxious attachment shows
up in relationships as a fear of
abandonment, low self-worth,
jealousy and a desperate need for
reassurance. " You may constantly
believe your partner is going to leave
you and that you're not enough
Starting young
A global 2023 study found
that only 51.6% of infants
had a secure attachment
to their parents*
for them, " says Paul.
" Maybe you message
them, 'Where you
at? You haven't
called me! We haven't
spoken in five hours!' "
On the other hand,
people who have an avoidant
attachment style might feel
uncomfortable with intimacy, prefer
to spend a lot of time alone and find
it difficult to ask for help. " During
conflict, people with avoidant
attachment tend to pull away, deal
with things themselves and even
suppress what they're feeling, "
says attachment coach Carly Ann
(@carly.ann_).
" How love was
modelled to you as a
child is how you relate
to others as an adult "
51
OPPOSITES ATTRACT
Anxious and avoidant people are
drawn to each other, despite their
seemingly incompatible styles.
Carly adds, " It's believed they're
attracting people who reflect
patterns from their childhood.
The familiarity, no matter how
*psycnet.apa.org/record/2023-79626-003
http://www.sarahbaldwincoaching.com http://psycnet.apa.org/record/2023-79626-003 https://www.instagram.com/carly.ann_/

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