Family Program Handbook - 14

Applying It to Your Life
This activity encourages you to consider what positive results a change in behavior could yield. Reflecting on past
situations helps family members proactively choose more helpful responses. Begin by choosing a past situation
you would like to work through. With a new goal in mind (natural consequences + positive reinforcement = catalyst
for change), review the examples and complete the activity below. Please keep in mind, allowing your loved one to
experience natural consequences that present acute health and safety concerns is not recommended. As a family
member, you always get to use your judgment.
Previous situation
Previous response that
was less helpful?
EX: My loved one got arrested
(parent/guardian)
I picked them up from jail.
I blamed other people.
I hired the best, most
expensive lawyer.
EX: My loved was hungover,
and did not go to work.
(spouse/partner)
I called their boss to say
they were sick.
I went to the store to get
them soda and aspirin.
I ignored what was
happening.
What needs to change to allow
natural consequence be felt
more directly?
I need to not bail them out.
They will have to get a ride from
someone else.
They will need to pay for their own
lawyer or get a public defender.
I will not call. They will have to call, or
not call, their boss to explain.
They will have to purchase their own
hangover provisions.
I will assertively state how their
hangover affects me, when it is safe
and appropriate to do so.
EX: Using around or with my
family member.
(sibling, aunt/uncle, parent,
spouse)
I made excuses for their
behavior because it felt
good to bond with them.
I blamed someone else for
their problems.
I kept their use a secret.
Your situation:
I need to recognize their substance
use disorder.
I will set and follow through with my
boundaries about using substances
around each other.
I will no longer cover for them or be
manipulated.
What can I/my family do to
reinforce healthier behavior
or choices?
I will vocalize when I see them
making a positive decision.
I can listen if they are struggling,
without trying to fix their problems.
I can make dinner on the nights that
my partner went to work.
I can plan something fun that my
partner enjoys doing when they are
not using/hungover.
I can notice and share positively
when I see them not hungover and
engaged with me/the family.
I will acknowledge the small changes
or efforts they are making.
I will set aside time to talk with them
while practicing " listening without
judgment. "
13

Family Program Handbook

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