Open and honest communication helps us name and express feelings and thoughts and reduces passive, aggressive or manipulative attempts at getting needs met. Ideal statements begin with " I " and include personal feelings needing to be expressed. Active Listening Assertive Communication I feel... (not " I feel that you... " ; name how you feel about said topic) When you/I see... (Be specific; avoid using " always " or " never " ) Because... (Your reasoning; try using an " I statement " ; consider your core values) I want/hope/expect... (Larger goal; what would you like them to change or do differently?) I will/will not... (What is your boundary? How are you comfortable supporting them or not supporting them?) Active Listening Observe The speaker's nonverbal cues Focus on what the speaker is saying and feeling, not how you feel/think about the topic Paraphrase What you heard the speaker say ( " What I heard you say is... " ) Clarify The accuracy of your paraphrase ( " Did I miss anything? Did I hear you correctly? " ) Reparaphrase, if needed To include any items that the speaker clarified Examples of Assertive Statements Based on Your Mindset If you feel concerned, say... " I feel scared... " " When you are not home on time, I... " " ...because I start worrying something bad has happened. " " I want to rebuild trust with you. " " I will follow through with the consequences we have discussed. " " I will not stay awake half the night tracking you. " Write your own assertive statement: If you feel pleased, say... " I feel relieved or at peace or happy... " " When you come home on time, I... " " ...because I do not worry as much, and I am able to sleep. " " I hope and expect we'll keep rebuilding our trust. " " I will be open to future discussions about curfew. " " I see you are working hard and will stop... " 23