Bucks Montgomery Physician Summer 2021 - 14

FEATURE
Of vampires and vaccines:
a saga of an unsettled year
By Melissa Schiffman, MD
I had forgotten about the vampires.
In early 2020, I received a phone message regarding the book
Becoming Doctors. My short story, written when I was a firstyear
medical student, had been published in the anthology
almost 25 years ago. Now a follow-up edition was being
prepared, and the original authors were asked to submit new
pieces giving an update on their lives and careers.
I barely remembered having written a story for the original
book, half a lifetime ago. Incredibly, I was able to locate the
publication online. I read my tale about an anatomy cadaver
that was actually an undead vampire. He listened and watched
as the unsuspecting team of medical students dissected his
body. One night he arose and sunk his fangs into one of the
students.
Now she, too, was a vampire, which was an asset for someone
who had to stay awake studying long into the night. The story
was humorous and wildly creative. I was no longer either of
these things. I was now a 20-year veteran of a community primary
care practice, and the mother of two school-aged
boys. I was perpetually exhausted and, if I was honest with myself,
burned out. I had never stopped enjoying the care of my
patients, but the logistics of my job had changed so much
through the years that it was now impossible to do everything
that was required..
In the early days, I dictated notes for transcription to paper
charts. I never, ever brought these home, and time off was
truly my own. Now my life was ruled by the electronic medical
record, the expanded rigors of coding and documentation,
an excessive patient panel, and the demands of a world where
patients emailed at any time of day, night, or weekend, and
expected a near-immediate reply. After the final patient of
the day, several hours of work remained. If I managed to rush
home for dinner with my husband and kids, I would need to
log back on and return patient phone calls and finish charting
late into the night. I came to resent the patients who asked my
plans for the weekend, or how my family was doing, because
those minutes were valuable time I needed for a dozen other
things: to order a mammogram or return a call for a CAT scan
peer-to-peer. I thought I was being efficient, but I was allowing
the vampire demands of the job to drain away my soul.
I used to love to write, and I wanted to participate in the new
anthology. But did I remember how to pen anything besides a
patient note? Did I have anything interesting t o say? I wrote
an essay about a day in my life. I tried to keep it positive, but it
ended with me lying in bed in the yoga corpse pose. I submitted
the piece and went back to my EMR.
Very soon, of course, the pandemic came and the world shut
down. So many things that I had taken for granted now slipped
away: accurate facts and recommendations for my patients; a
predictable schedule for my family; supplies to keep us safe at
home or work. Remember when you could not just walk into a
store and purchase real medical masks and hand sanitizer?
At work, I wore a floral cloth mask made by someone's mother.
I cleaned surfaces with a homemade solution of bleach and
water. My office hours were cut and some of them became
remote. I tried to figure out how to assess ear pain or dysuria
over a video visit, while my sons attended " school " from the
next room.
Then my life shut down further. Pre-pandemic, I had planned
a job transition with a gap of ten weeks off over the summer. I
had hoped to travel, but that could no longer happen. I tried t o
remember what people did with " free time. " I baked and read
and purged my closets. I went on long walks around the neighborhood
squashing spotted lanternflies and crossing the street
when another person approached. For a time, it felt like every
person was a threat and even nature was out of sync. I consid12
BUCKS/MONTGOMERY PHYSICIAN summer 2021
Bucks Montgomery Physician Summer 2021

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