Women2Women - Summer 2018 - 22

Growth2Go

I'm a Second Wife...

By Sara Frassinelli, Marketing Associate at
Greater Reading Chamber Alliance

haven't gone through a divorce, but my
husband, Phil, has. He had recently finalized
a divorce to his first wife when I met him and
was not looking to date. Spoiler alert, I am so
wonderful that he ultimately couldn't resist.

Before meeting Phil, I had not envisioned
dating someone who had been married previously. I can recall, very early in our relationship,
asking him how someone so wonderful could
be available, which was when he somewhat
sheepishly admitted that he had been recently
divorced. It was a lot for me to process and I
wasn't sure how to proceed.
As we moved forward, I had to make
allowances for his closure and healing process.
My best advice? Look at situations objectively
and know that if issues arise, they aren't
necessarily about you or even the problem at
hand. Baggage from a first marriage is nearly
inevitable, but if you're honest and communicate with one another, you can overcome.
A strong benefit was that Phil certainly knew
what he did want, as well as pitfalls to avoid
when it comes to marriage and partnership.
For example, he felt that he and his first wife
didn't spend enough quality time together, so
he prioritized things for us like date nights
and weekend getaways.
There was also the advantage that he had
no children with his first wife, so it was truly
a clean break. If you date a divorced person

22 Women2Women Summer 2018

My best advice? Look at
situations objectively and
know that if issues arise,
they aren't necessarily about
you or even the problem at
hand. Baggage from a first
marriage is nearly inevitable,
but if you're honest and
communicate with one
another, you can overcome.
with children, there will certainly be more to
navigate. The best thing to remember is that
the most important people in the situation
are the children. Their feelings and happiness
trump that of you, your partner and your
partner's ex, which seems simple in theory,
but becomes much harder in practice.
Lastly, when it comes to dating someone
who has been divorced - do not rush into
marriage with them.
"Research suggests that divorce is much more
likely in a second marriage if the relationship is
less than a year old," psychologist Kalman Heller
writes in a recent article on Psychcentral.com.

Phil was in no rush to propose and we took
our time before getting married, so we had
the benefit of full knowledge of one another's
personalities, strengths, quirks, and - let's
be honest - annoying habits.
Nine years later, we have been married
for just over four years and have a crazy fun
two-and-a-half-year-old son. We have created
a marriage and family of which we are both
very proud. Rest assured that life after divorce
can be great, and second chapters can be even
better than the first!

http://www.Psychcentral.com

Table of Contents for the Digital Edition of Women2Women - Summer 2018