Women2Women - Summer 2018 - 7

"It's perfectly acceptable to
get yourself a pint of Ben
and Jerry's, curl up in bed and
watch a movie or two while you
cry your eyes out. When you are
done, get a good night's sleep,
get up in the morning and put
your best face forward. Each
day will be a little bit better."
-Lizette Epps
The rate of divorces in the US has increased dramatically in
more recent years, with one of every two marriages now ending
in divorce and many with children involved. While divorce is
no longer a rare occurrence, the stigma that women experience,
especially at the hands of other women, has not diminished.
You can be made to feel like a failure, someone who is uncaring
and unworthy of being loved, mean-spirited and sometimes
just plain old damaged goods. As a two-time divorcee, I know
firsthand that those stigmas are the furthest thing from the
truth. I also know, that we need to summon our inner strength,
find support, and nurture ourselves to establish our new normal
and find our happiness.
Divorce is a deeply personal decision and takes a toll, not just
on your life, but the lives of your children, extended family and
even friends. The D word evokes different feelings for different
people. For some, it means heartbreak - an ending sometimes
likened to a death. For others, it is viewed as a blessing - liberating and a time of rebirth. No matter your view on divorce,
there will be many unexpected and uncontrollable situations that
you must face. Everything from social, mental and emotional
health impacts, as well as the financial struggles that will come
your way. The overwhelming feelings of loss and confusion can
be paralyzing and often it may feel like you are in a constant state
of chaos. Going through a divorce feels like you are in the middle
of a tornado, everything is happening to you all at once and very
quickly. Being able to take a step back and break the process into
manageable steps will be important for your psyche. The good
news is, that there is life after divorce and even if you go through
it more than once, you can still come out okay on the other side.
First and most importantly, you will need time to grieve. The
dissolution of a marriage is like a death. The longer you've been

partnered, the longer you will need to mourn the end of the
relationship. You shouldn't throw a pity party for yourself, but
you should go easy on yourself emotionally. Don't beat yourself
up or engage in negative self-talk. It's perfectly acceptable to get
yourself a pint of Ben and Jerry's, curl up in bed and watch a
movie or two while you cry your eyes out. When you are done,
get a good night's sleep, get up in the morning and put your
best face forward. Each day will be a little bit better.
Along with the change in your relationship, you will find
that your friendships will also change. Friends that you made
as a couple may not want to continue being in a friendship
with you. Many of my married female friends kept me at a
distance because if divorce could happen to me, the reality that
it could also happen to them was too much for them to bear.
It becomes hard for people to decide to whom they want to
remain loyal. I've found that people who were friends with me
before the relationship remained my friends afterward. Others
either remained neutral or became lost friendships because it
was too complicated for them to pick a side. The reality is that
as a divorcee, your social pool has now changed, so you will
have to find new friends that are like you. Your support system
will grow and the new friendships will help ease your pain and
bring feelings of happiness with it.

"One thing I learned after I got
divorced is for the first time in
a long time: I like being by myself
sometimes, like I was my own
best friend. I enjoy "me time" to
cook my favorite foods, listen
to any music I want, read, watch
movies, or fall asleep outside in
a lounge chair under the stars."
-Camille Stock
My friends who remained close became an excellent source of
emotional support during this challenging time. They were my
sanity and my most significant assets in keeping me grounded
and focused. When we hurt emotionally and deeply, it is
difficult always to think rationally. It's at these times that your
friends will keep you from acting out or doing things that are
not a part of your typical character. As women, we want to bear

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Table of Contents for the Digital Edition of Women2Women - Summer 2018