Canadian Yachting April 2023 - 62

CROSSING THE LINE
The 2023 Guide to
Unconventional Boat Guests
By | John Morris
S
tock the galley with snacks, it' s time
to welcome guests on board for
another boating season. Our 2023
CTL Guide to Boat Guests will assist you
in preparing the welcome and battening
down the hatches.
Captain Speedo: Native to European
beaches but often seen here, The Captain
sometimes sports considerably less outerwear
than you might prefer. Hopping on
board shirtless, but friendly, he eschews a
j acket even as we get underway.
Perhaps you' d like a handsome sailing
sweater, you offer. Nope, I am a sun worshipper.
Pray for a cold breez e. Or maybe
not.
The High-Heeled Honey: Sometimes
seen stuck on the dock when a J immy
Choo heel j ams between the boards,
this honey will often apologiz e ' oops,
I must have forgotten my deck shoes,
teehee, " as she struts across the cockpit.
Characteristic fiberglass chipping and
ankle twists contribute to the afternoon.
The Tech Genius: Do you know how
radar works? GPS? Do you know about
bow waves and hull speed? Prepare to
find out. At length. Brace for the afternoon
with 12-volt wiring schematics and
chart plotter manuals as the workings of
your boat are ransacked and explained to
you, even though you installed them yourself.
Mark the invitation BYOM - bring
your own multimeter.
The Sun-Fearing Parent: How many
different levels of sunscreen can one guest
bring? Is SPF 90 effective? Can' t be too
careful! And make sure you have a proper
broad-brimmed hat, avoid too much exposure,
and have everyone, particularly the
kids, wear long sleeves. Or maybe a parka.
Was there ever a day when we j ust
enj oyed the warmth and catching some
rays?
The Cooler-lugging guzzler: Like the
albatross, this guest arrives burdened with
straps around his neck. ' Can you throw
these in the fridge,' he asks handing you
three six-packs and a variety of Persecos
as well as half a doz en wrapped assorted
subs and a box of 125 Timbits. ' J ust a sec
before we push off, let me get my other
cooler out of the J eep.'
The Dad Jokes Humorist: Two sailors
talking, the first one says, " My wife just
sailed to the Caribbean. "
" Jamaica? " The other one asked.
" Heck no! She'd been wanting to go for
a long time. "
That groaning you hear is not the bulkheads
flexing - your guests are teaming up
to throw this guy over the side. Distract
them with stories about your relatives
from Winnipeg and how seasick they get.
62 CANADIAN YACHTING | APRIL 2023
The Shanty Mangler: You' ve heard his
deafening tenor before as he yowls " I'm a
broken man on a Halifax pier " mutilating
the beloved Stan Rogers classic. Having
started, he feels he will engage us with all
14 verses.
As our boat trip gets underway, you
might hope the excitement of the afternoon
might q uiet his bellowing, but
surprise, he has brought his accordion.
Try offering him a sandwich, only to be
rebuffed with the chorus of The Drunken
Deckhand's Lament.
But perhaps we were being hasty. Sea
shanties have become a rage, and everybody
enj oys singing along. Too bad the
engine is making so much noise and the
songs get drowned out amid the waves.
Welcome aboard another great season
of hospitality.
Canadian Yachting April 2023

Table of Contents for the Digital Edition of Canadian Yachting April 2023
