Canadian Yachting October 2016 - 98

CROSSING THE LINE By John Morris 20 Ways to Rationalize By the time you read this I will be procrastinating about putting my winter tires on. Canada, from November to April, is a cruel mistress and most boaters know they should be planning right now to get their transom on a plane south to spend some time aboard with the sun. But if you cannot go this year, here are some good excuses you can use to placate your inner angry self. I've started with the phony justification in each case followed by a reality check. 1. I can't take time off. Of course you can - do the math. Over your 25-year working life, if you can save just 10 minutes a week that's almost 5-1/2 weeks of extra vacation. A couple of weeks this winter is insignificant against this background. 2. My kids are in school. OK, your kids stay in school, do well, graduate and are a source of pride for years. But can they get a job or buy a home? No, they can't - head to Antigua. 3. I can't afford it. Maybe not, but fortunately financial responsibility is a curse that does not afflict the boating community 4. My bikini/speedo is at the cleaners. Mo the dry cleaner has had it since July he promises it will be ready Tuesday 5. Christmas with the family. They always fight and the menu is always the same. Can you make it without those crackers and paper hats? Yes you can. 6. Flights are expensive during the school break. Go in January or February. The kids can take some books that they will forget to open. See 2. Above. 7. Sheldon's Bar Mitzvah is in January. He's such a little nitwit I can't believe he'll be ready for this momentous occa- 98 Canadian Yachting Credit: John Morris Not Going Cruising this Winter sion. Even if he is, he already is making significantly more money as a professional gamer in Korea via the Internet than I do. He doesn't need my $50 gift! 8. My friend Chuck wants to go on Royal Caribbean's Harmony of the Seas, the world's largest cruise ship. The 362 metre Oasis-class MS Harmony of the Seas was launched in May, has 16 passenger decks and can accommodate 6,780 passengers. It has 20 dining venues including the "Wonderland" molecular gastronomy restaurant and the Bionic Bar, where drinks are made solely by two robotic arms. The problem is that it also has quite a substantial ice rink and I know that would defeat the whole purpose of a winter get away. 9. Cousin Walter's shrink told him our holidays are creating anxiety for him. Since Roberta left him when he expressed his commitment to Donald Trump, Walter has been in a depression. His unfortunate delusions include building a wall around our boat. 10. My 737 is in the shop. It certainly can be a concern when your private jet isn't operative. This is almost a valid excuse. 11. I've been told to stay out of the sun. Well, I've been told to cut down on carbs and get some exercise. Sure 12. I don't speak Dutch or Greek. True, but you can learn. Wait, in "BVI", I believe "British " implies English speaking. 13. I wouldn't want to miss the boat show. Be sure to drop by the Canadian Yachting booth at the show and I'll personally give you a monogrammed crying towel. 14. I'll miss episodes of Coronation Street. Switch to Pokémon Go - similar characters. 15. You can't get decent rye bread south of Miami. A reader has alerted me to Dushi Bagels in Aruba. Perhaps that's the solution. But I'll bet they're not Montreal style! 16. I can't win at dominoes. Weakness at the Caribbean's national sport could be a real problem. Have another Goombay Smash and you'll play much better, or at least you won't know. 17. Friday is Book Club. You never read them in any case and only go for the party sandwiches. 18. I love skiing and winter sports. Get real - no one actually enjoys that stuff. 19. I'm a power boater and most charters are sail. It's basically the same once the boat is at the dock, i.e. chill and enjoy. 20. I have a sand allergy. OK, that's a legit excuse. Bottom line, there's almost no reason not to go- don't let responsibility and common sense get in the way. * OCTOBER 2016 http://parkbridgemarinas.com

Table of Contents for the Digital Edition of Canadian Yachting October 2016