Sky & Telescope - June 2023 - 84

LEAH TISCIONE / S&T
FOCAL POINT by Howard Banich
Darkness Audible
The author's fear of the dark gets tested in the most memorable way.
WHEN I WAS A KID, I was afraid of
the dark. Walking down the shadowy
hallway to my bedroom was more than
I could bear, so I always turned on the
hallway light - which my older sister
delighted in turning off when I was
halfway to my room. I'd run the rest of
the way and switch on the light in my
room as fast as I could. Going outside at
night by myself wasn't even a thought
until I became interested in astronomy.
We lived in a brightly lit Denver suburb,
so it wasn't all that dark at night.
But even so I was afraid to go outside
alone. When I got my first telescope, I
set it up a few steps from our front door
so I could make a quick escape within
when being alone outdoors became too
much. The slightest unexplained noise
sent me into a quiet panic.
I soon discovered that a portable
radio calmed my nerves and helped
me better enjoy the views through
my 3-inch refractor. A strange sound
would still send me inside, though. No
amount of rational thinking helped
because my fear felt so irrational. Of
course, it was an instinctual response -
humans have evolved for good reason to
beware of odd noises at night, but I was
ashamed each time it happened.
Decades went by. I began observing
more and more under dark skies but
always with at least one other person, so
my fear of the dark went into remission.
A few years ago, I planned a trip to the
inkiest high-elevation site in my part of
Oregon that I can drive to in one day,
and even though my regular observing
companions couldn't come along, I felt
brave enough to go alone.
Everything went well at first, and I
was feeling rather proud of myself out
there in the wilderness, observing the
universe all on my lonesome - and
then the unexplained noise came. It was
a long, deep rumble that was frighteningly
close, and the image of a cougar
flashed into my now fear-frozen brain.
My legs and arms worked just fine,
though, and I was in my van in record
time, heart pounding with fear.
I looked out the window, totally
expecting to see the beast, but saw
nothing. By now I realized that a cougar
wouldn't have growled before pouncing,
so it must have been a different creature
- maybe the huge porcupine I'd
encountered on my drive up?
As I continued looking out the van
window for whatever was out there,
I heard the same long, deep rumble
again - coming from my abdomen. To
my embarrassment, it was my stomach
doing the growling. Deeply chagrined,
I ate a small snack and went back out
to observe. The sky was uncharacteristically
poor, so it wasn't long before I
called it a night anyway.
Since then, I've observed alone in
the wilderness twice without a similar
panic. Maybe I've gotten a little braver,
but my fear of the dark is still a significant
factor to overcome. I accept that
that's the way I am, and I'm encouraged
that the more I observe alone, the less
fearful I've become.
¢ Contributing Editor HOWARD BANICH
now makes sure to have a snack before
observing alone.
84 JUNE 2023 * SKY & TELESCOPE
Sky & Telescope - June 2023

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