The Journal of College and University Student Housing - Volume 38, No. 2 & Volume 39, No. 1 - 133

Trial and Error

to a new understanding . . . a moment of conscious whiteness, when one gains insight into the racialized nature of his life” (p. 24). seth experienced a turning point, a moment of conscious masculinity when he gained insight into the gendered nature of his life. it is important to note that a turning point is not a definitive change in behaviors and attitudes, but a fluid and ever-changing understanding of what it means to be a man. in spite of his newfound awareness, seth continued to struggle with masculine identity after transferring to midwestern state university (msu).

Performing College Masculinity: Wearing the Mask and Struggling to Take It Off
seth’s experiences at rVu led him to a much different understanding of masculinity than he had before coming to college. as previous conceptions began to fall apart, he said that he “bottled up”—a technique he thought would help him gain the approval of other men. throughout his interviews, seth explained his experiences with manhood as “trial and error.” this phrase captures the nature of his journey at this point in his life. transitioning to msu served as a fresh start for him, and he better understood how others’ expectations directly influenced his performance. While he shifted to better fit the expectations of manhood, he was still struggling to find an authentic self. While he made some progress, he was still a passive participant in many arenas where hegemonic masculinity unfolds. even though he gained some understanding about masculinity, this kind of development is fluid and ongoing. An emphasis on character. seth’s time at msu illustrates how someone can become more conscious of gendered identity while still

struggling with its pressures. seth’s transition to the new university was largely dominated by his new feelings about manhood. shifting his focus away from violence and aggressive behavior, he now understood masculinity as more character-based, and it became very important for him to get involved on campus. during his first semester at msu, he pledged a fraternity and became very involved in his residence hall, attending programs, joining hall government, and participating in homecoming. seth described the importance of this involvement when i first asked him what he thought it meant to be a man, a description that parallels Brannon’s (1976) Big Wheel principle: Be a stand out, superior sort of person. last year, i felt like i was a pretty manly person because, i guess, i really put myself out there and got to know people. i got involved in homecoming. i was involved in the fraternity. i got involved in an event for homecoming with the dorm and this made really good bonds with people . . . it helped me build the character of who i am today. throughout his first year and a half at msu, seth put a high value on issues of character. this new focus is consistent with the findings of Harris (2008) who found that concepts such as good character, respect, and integrity were associated with a more pro-social form of masculinity among his respondents. However, Harris qualified his findings with the fact that there was a difference between how men conceptualize masculinity and how they perform it. While men stated that being a man meant “having good character” and “respect,” their actions often included exhibiting demeaning attitudes towards women and engaging in binge drinking. this gap between concept

V o l u m e 3 9 , No. 1 • 2 0 1 2

133

The Journal of College and University Student Housing - Volume 38, No. 2 & Volume 39, No. 1

Table of Contents for the Digital Edition of The Journal of College and University Student Housing - Volume 38, No. 2 & Volume 39, No. 1