The Journal of College and University Student Housing - Volume 38, No. 2 & Volume 39, No. 1 - 135

Trial and Error

truly open up to rebecca without fear of being labeled a fag or a woman, which he knew would happen if he talked with his fraternity brothers. this experience is consistent with that described by edwards and Jones (2009), who found that men often felt most comfortable relaxing their performance around women. in addition, davis (2002) found that “men seemed to be able to express themselves more freely with women than with other men” (p. 514). throughout seth’s tenure in the fraternity, though he experienced the highs and lows of the greek life system, he constantly reiterated the benefits that the organization and his brothers provided: “the fraternity itself i feel is forming me into a more confident person, a better leader.” The complicity of silence. it is important to note that seth never actively spoke out against the hegemonic masculinity that pervaded his experiences through all three stages illustrated above. For instance, he described numerous instances where he simply “bottled up” rather than call men out. stories of womanizing went unchallenged. excessive amounts of drinking were left unquestioned. seth is not alone in his silence, for college men across the country are plagued by the inability to speak out against attitudes and behaviors that are not congruent with their authentic selves. Kimmel (1994) describes this process: our fear is the fear of humiliation. We are ashamed to be afraid. shame leads to silence— the silence that keeps other people believing that we actually approve of the things that are done to women, to minorities, to gays and lesbians in our culture. our fears are the sources of our silences, and men’s silence is what keeps the system running. (p. 104)

Men can begin to transcend the external expectations of manhood, and there are strategies that professionals can implement to provide the support that these students need .

seth often noted a fear of being shunned by other men. at msu his silence and his implicit approval of attitudes and behaviors that he did not agree with helped him gain the sort of approval he desired. in this way, seth was sacrificing some of his humanity by staying silent in order to gain approval as a man from his peers.

IMPLICATIONS
the implications of seth’s story are twofold. First, his journey illustrates how men can learn from their failed performances as men, providing motivation to create new paths toward authentic masculinity that reject the external expectations of hegemonic masculinity. seth did just that during his transition from rVu to msu. second, it is crucial to understand that, despite seth’s turning point, he is still surrounded by constant messages and pressures of masculinity. the developmental process is fluid and ongoing. as housing professionals, it will be important to empathize with men’s identity struggles to facilitate a more self-authored, authentic masculinity. men can begin to transcend the external expectations of manhood (edwards & Jones, 2009), and there are strategies that professionals can implement to provide the
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The Journal of College and University Student Housing - Volume 38, No. 2 & Volume 39, No. 1

Table of Contents for the Digital Edition of The Journal of College and University Student Housing - Volume 38, No. 2 & Volume 39, No. 1