Digital Dealer - August 2018 - 33

all their negativity to, like
a service advisor, is not
mad at the service advisor
personally. They are mad
because their method of
transportation has problems,
it will cost them time and
money to make a repair,
and they probably will have
to deal with being late for
work and/or need help with
childcare. They are stressed.
The service advisor, whose
job it is to meet customers
in the moment of this stress,
commonly becomes the only
one who could listen to them
in their moment of crisis.
Lets face it, dealerships do not have the best
reputation. Therefore, it is
common for customers to
walk into the dealership
with the idea that everyone
in the dealership is out to
get them. This assumption
automatically puts them in a
position where they want to
protect themselves. Customers have different methods
of protecting themselves.
Some customers will be
quiet and observant. Others
procrastinate going to the
dealership until there is no
other way around it. Some
customers making a scene
by being angry at everyone
who is trying to talk to them,
which is typically the service
advisors and salespeople.
However, it is not you they
are mad at. They are mad
at the idea of the dealership
that they created in their
head. This is because "We
don't see things as they are;
we see them as we are."
When customers express
their anger at you, as a
service advisor, it does not
mean they are mad at you

personally. In fact, it is the
other way around, they feel
safe with you. Let me explain: teenagers express anger to their parents because
parents are typically the safest people to express their
mixed emotions. Teenagers
will not express their emotions to people with whom
they do not feel safe. The
only reason their parents are
the outlets for emotional expression is because they are
in the safe zone. In a similar
way, customers will express
their negative emotions only
to the service advisor who
actually helps them feel safe
to express those emotions.
I am not saying let people
bully you. I am saying that
when customers complain
to you, it is their way to ask
for help from someone with
whom they feel safe, which
is you. Actually, helping
customers feel safe with you
is halfway to completing the
sale. If you can handle customer stress appropriately,
where they would maintain
feeling safe with you, consider that your products and
services are halfway sold.
Three steps to help customers continue to feel safe
with you include (1) listening
to customers' concerns, (2)
repeating what the customer
said back to them, and (3)
connecting to their experience on the personal level.
Those three steps will help
customers calm down and
find a forever friend in you,
and for you to find a committed repeat customer who
sends a lot of referrals.
I notice that many professionals assume that listening
to someone is easy and

insignificant. Unfortunately, not everyone is able to
listen. Try to find someone
in your circle of friends who
would be willing to listen
without giving their opinion
or advise, without judging
you or comparing you to
someone else, or without
changing the conversation to
talking about them instead.
In other words, saying what
you are telling them is not
important. It is very difficult
to find someone who listens.
This is why the best first
response to whatever a customer is sharing with you is
to repeat back to them whatever they said to you. This
will accomplish two things:
(1) help you and them make
sure that you understood
the customer correctly, and
(2) let them know that you
listened to them, you heard
them, and you care.
An example that I once
heard, and I think can help
you understand what I am
proposing, is a pilot who
called the tower for landing
directions. The pilot stated
their information but heard
nothing back. The pilot
called in again and shared
information, yet still nothing. The pilot called in a
third time and heard back
a conversation about plans
for dinner, like they never
heard what the pilot was
saying. This is why repeating
back to the customer what
they said is the first order
of business. You want to let
the customers know you
are on the same level, you
heard them, and you know
what is going on with them.
When they know that you
heard them, you can move

D I G I TA L D E A L E R . C O M

forward.
The third step, "connecting
to the customers' experience
on a personal level," refers
to being able to relate to
customers' struggles. Think
about a time when you felt
stress, how uncomfortable
and frustrating it was, how
this stress caused challenges in other areas of your life.
We all have those moments.
Your customers are humans
just like you. See customers
not like someone to feel sorry for, as people will sense
your pity and it will push
them away. See customers
not like someone with anger
problems, as customer will
sense your otherness and
it will also push them away.
But seeing them as your
friend, as yourself, will create
a positive human connection, a connection without
pity or judgment.
When you find yourself
in front of angry customers,
remember (a) it is not you
they are mad at, but rather
they are mad at their idea
about the dealership, and (b)
they are free to agree with
you because they feel safe
with you. To help customers
maintain their feeling of safety, to help them calm down
and find a forever friend in
you, (1) listen to customers'
concerns, (2) repeat what
the customer said back
to them, and (3) connect
to their experience on the
personal level.
KATIA TIKHONRAVOVA,
Ph.D.(c), LMFT is a business
and relationships coach who
specializes in automotive sales
and service relationships. She is
an owner of Corporation Clinic.

AUGUST 2018

33
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