GRAND Magazine - March 2009 - 23

Top: Daddy Ernesto arrives in Iraq. Bottom: With Ernesto and Daylena home, the family reunites. Marcus springs from my arms and runs into her open arms. “Mommy, Mommy!” What a reunion! I’m so happy I could cry. But wait, I am crying. My daughter gives me a quick hug and kiss on the cheek before returning her gaze to her son. We gather her luggage and leave LAX heading down the 405 freeway toward Long Beach for breakfast. While we eat, we chat about Daylena’s life in Africa. Marcus interrupts frequently, but only to talk to Daylena; Gramma no longer matters. Just like that, I am not needed to cut up pancakes or help him with the syrup. Mommy is home. At home, while Daylena takes a shower, Marcus lets himself out the back door to play. He isn’t able to get back in without the help of a grown- up, so when he is ready, he stands by the back door and yells, “Knock, knock!” as he always does. I open the back door. He pushes it closed. “No! No! I want my mommy to do it.” A week later, we’re back at LAX. Daylena and Marcus are going home, to St. Louis. I hold back the tears until I’ve pulled away from the curb. At home, every fingerprint, every stain on the carpet reminds me of Marcus. Every broken Matchbox car I find brings a tear to my eye. I can’t take his toys out of the bin in my shower. For a short time, I can’t even take out the trash that holds his stinky diaper. I can’t let him go, but he’s already gone. My heart is officially broken, and the only bandages I have are decorated with dinosaurs. G Rights of military grandparentcaregivers ore than 2.4 million grandparents in the U.S. are primary caregivers for their grandchildren (about 6 million children under 18 in the 2000 census, which was taken before the Iraq and Afghanistan wars). Many factors—crime, drugs, the economy, illness and disability—contribute to this phenomenon; after 9/11, none seems more prevalent than military deployment. If you are a military grand-caregiver, what assistance can you expect from the government? On July 1, 2008, the U.S. military began allowing a soldier to earmark a one-time, $100,000 payment to nonspousal caregivers M in the event he or she is killed while serving the country. But suppose—mercifully— they’re not? If you’re in the situation of most grandparents, you’ll still need assistance. On January 28, 2008, President Bush signed into law the National Defense Authorization Act of 2008, allowing soldiers to designate as much as 100 percent of the death gratuity to whomever they choose, including caretakers. It also included significant revisions to the Family Medical Leave Act of 1993 (FMLA), which extends coverage to employees who care for family members injured on active military duty or who must tend to other exigent circumstances arising New laws help a lot— but the parents must have stipulated beneficiaries MARCH 2009 GRAND 23

GRAND Magazine - March 2009

Table of Contents for the Digital Edition of GRAND Magazine - March 2009