GRAND Magazine - January/February 2019 Subscribe Today! - 32

grand living
In his piece, Learning as
Transformation, Jack Mezirow
wrote, "It is so important that adult
learning emphasize contextual
understanding, critical reflection
on assumptions, and validated
meaning by assessing reasons.
The justification for much of what
we know and believe, our values
and our feelings depend on the
context-biographical, historical,
cultural-in which they are embedded. We make meaning with different dimensions of awareness
and understanding; in adulthood
we may more clearly understand
an expressed idea is true or justified. In the absence of fixed truths
and confronted with often rapid
change in circumstances, we cannot
fully trust what we know or believe.
Interpretations and opinions that
may have worked for us as children often do not as
adults."
We all hold beliefs, but have we really examined
where they're coming from? Do we understand how
our experiences and biases play a role in our conclusions? Do we explore our cognitive distortion? Are we
willing to admit when we're wrong?
How to sway someone's opinion
Recently someone we coach described a political
debate he'd had with a family member around the holiday table. As is typical in these conversations, things
escalated to personal, ad hominem attacks. Ultimately
both parties were left unsatisfied and hurt by the
interaction. He came to us wanting to gain a greater
32 GRAND

JANUARY FEBRUARY 2019

understanding of how he could handle the situation
differently.
People often ask, "How do I change my family
member's opinion about X, Y, or Z?" - but who the
heck do we think we are to change someone else's
opinion?
We're all subject to our own cognitive distortion.
We believe firmly that our beliefs are correct, and are

"In argument culture there
are only two sides: right and
wrong, good and bad, yours
and mine."

amazed that someone else
could hold opposing beliefs.
In reality, we all see the world
through the lens of facts AND
opinions, and can't hold a position of superiority in a conversation because we assume that
the other person is less correct
than we are.
When we take a step back,
all conversations - even heated
arguments - are person-to-person interactions that require
curiosity about and empathy
for the other person. When we
are engaged in a debate, are we
approaching the situation with
understanding or with winning
as our aim? Are we trying to
see where the other person is
coming from, to identify their
values, and to understand the
data from which they draw their conclusions? Is our
objective to be correct and right-or do we really want
to understand the other person and to be understood?

Click here to continue reading
Relationships experts, world-class
coaches, and best-selling authors,
Dr. Judith and Dr. Bob Wright
are co-founders of the Wright
Foundation for the Realization of
Human Potential and The Wright
Graduate University and authors of
The Heart of the Fight

https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0994809700/ref=as_li_qf_sp_asin_il_tl?ie=UTF8&tag=grandmagazi0d-20&camp=1789&creative=9325&linkCode=as2&creativeASIN=0994809700&linkId=c0cf2342749a51234e00421ef2df453e https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B003B6QYSW/ref=as_li_qf_sp_asin_il_tl?ie=UTF8&tag=grandmagazi0d-20&camp=1789&creative=9325&linkCode=as2&creativeASIN=B003B6QYSW&linkId=74a78ba0a510c9871c2e38f745d59213 http://www.heartofthefight.com/ https://eric.ed.gov/?id=ED448301 https://eric.ed.gov/?id=ED448301 http://www.grandmagazine.com/2018/12/seeking-the-truth-in-a-world-full-of-misinformation/ https://www.positivepsychologyprogram.com/cognitive-distortions/ http://www.thewrightfoundation.org/ http://www.thewrightfoundation.org/ http://www.thewrightfoundation.org/ http://www.heartofthefight.com/

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