GRAND Magazine - March/April 2019 - 25

grandparenting
It is so temping to say things like, "Just say no!" or "Can't you
see what's happening here?" or "You've got to let him know
who's the boss!" or "He needs to know that the consequences
for disobedience are swift and automatic!" When those
thoughts come to our minds...it's time to get out the duct tape
and slap it over our mouths!
I've found that the best thing I can do for parents who are
exasperated with a child who is misbehaving is to give them
confidence in finding a solution. Unless you feel that the child
is in danger of serious or life-changing consequences it usually
works to say something like, "I know this child might be driving
you crazy right now and you may think he is going to end up in
the penitentiary, but this is just a stage. He has amazing gifts and
talents and sometimes the things you think are problems are what
he needs to succeed in life. With your help, he will eventually be
able to control his behavior." I remind them that strong-willed
children are the ones who make great contributions in life and
messy kids are usually the right-brained, creative and artistic ones!
Positive affirmations are by far the best way to breed confidence
and stimulate healthy relationships.

"

in my pocket comes in handy on such occasions so I can slap a
piece over his mouth when he seems so certain that he can think
of solutions that they may not be able to see.
Coming to grips with his own compulsion to share advice early
in our experience with married children, Richard decided to call an
"adult meeting" at a family reunion. He suggested "a pact" when it
came to giving advice. First, he told them that it would be impossible for him not to give them advice when he felt it was needed.
Their part of the pact was that they would not be offended by his
advice when he told them what he really thought they should do.
But his side of "the pact" was that he would not to be offended if
they didn't follow his advice. It was just an agreement to let everyone be themselves but to respect the real decision-makers in each
situation. And they went for it!

Actually, both sides of the pact have worked well. Usually
Richard's advice is well-taken and it often helps with the solution
they are looking for. But I have to admit that it is a special delight
to our kids when they have not taken his advice and been right!
Our oldest daughter and her husband first settled in Silicon Valley
and were pondering buying a small house for an astonishingly
exorbitant amount of money. Despite both of our adamant urgings not to buy it, they bought the house, fixed it up and sold
it five years later for double the price they paid. We loved the
"humble pie."
Good luck with finding your own unique solutions about giving
advice, and...remember the duct tape!

"

He feels compelled to give advice-
In fact, he can't help himself!

There are more than just discipline issues that tempt us to
give advice to our children. They face big decisions not just about
parenting but about jobs, cars, where to live and finances. Richard
and I have entirely different methods when it comes to giving
advice on these issues. If our children sincerely ask for help, I do
give some suggestions. We reason together and try to come up
with some solutions. I try to always end our conversation with
"Just go with what feels right. I know you will come up with a
good solution."
Richard's personality doesn't work that way. He feels compelled
to give advice-In fact, he can't help himself! That roll of duct tape
25 GRAND

MARCH APRIL 2019

GRAND is pleased to welcome New York Times #1 Bestselling Authors
Richard and Linda Eyre as regular columnists. The Eyres' parenting and
life-balance books have reached millions and been translated into a
dozen languages. As fellow baby boomers, their passion and their writing
focus has now shifted to the joy of grandparenting. Linda's latest book is
Grandmothering, and Richard's is Being a Proactive Grandfather.

https://www.facebook.com/GRANDmagazine/ https://www.twitter.com/grandMmagazine https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1945547901/ref=as_li_qf_asin_il_tl?ie=UTF8&tag=grandmagazi0d-20&creative=9325&linkCode=as2&creativeASIN=1945547901&linkId=7079a2cd80c784626a6c3dd8f60b33d1 https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1945547278/ref=as_li_qf_asin_il_tl?ie=UTF8&tag=grandmagazi0d-20&creative=9325&linkCode=as2&creativeASIN=1945547278&linkId=ba6ca82c477ab6ec1abf302e916384d4 https://www.valuesparenting.com/theeyres/ https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1945547901/ref=as_li_qf_asin_il_tl?ie=UTF8&tag=grandmagazi0d-20&creative=9325&linkCode=as2&creativeASIN=1945547901&linkId=7079a2cd80c784626a6c3dd8f60b33d1 https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1945547278/ref=as_li_qf_asin_il_tl?ie=UTF8&tag=grandmagazi0d-20&creative=9325&linkCode=as2&creativeASIN=1945547278&linkId=9847c82a7bc51f499afca3a3753f0834

GRAND Magazine - March/April 2019

Table of Contents for the Digital Edition of GRAND Magazine - March/April 2019