GRAND Magazine - July/August 2019 - 21

cover story
grandparents raising grandchildren: Financially strapped, running out of money, can't afford good health care, skimping on
basic necessities, feeling physically, emotionally, and politically
isolated, abandoned by family members.
ANNA QUINDLEN - I truly genuflect to people who are
raising their own grandchildren, for all the reasons you mention,
and for the simple reason that when I've spent a couple of days
hanging out with mine I am pretty whipped. I do have a grandchild character in the novel I'm working on right now, but not in
a scenario you mention. I don't have a whole lot to add except
that I am always amazed at what people will manage to do for
the good of their families.
GRAND - As the mother of the "father" of your grandchild,
do you have any special advice for other grandparents whose
child is not the mother?
ANNA QUINDLEN - Well, there's certainly a lot of this in
Nanaville. I have a best case scenario: a really agreeable and
low-drama daughter-in-law who has a real partnership with
her husband, my son. But I do like to think I was conscious of
boundaries almost from day one. I remember entering that
hospital room and being drawn like a magnet to that newborn,

then pausing a few feet away and turning to Lynn to ask, "Can
I pick him up?" She replied "of course." That set a tone, but it
also put me on notice: this is not your child, and you'd better be
good about asking for permission. Sometimes I meet nanas who
believe blood grants permission as a matter of course. That's
foolhardy.
GRAND - What do you think are the top challenges facing
today's grandparents?
ANNA QUINDLEN - The helicopter parents are sometimes
challenged by either not being able to be helicopter grandparents, or by trying to do so and being rebuffed. They have
opinions about nursing, sleeping, eating, day care, health care,
schools. There's a moment in Nanaville when I'm telling my
friend Susan about how my opinion has been ignored, and she
says, "Did they ask you?" That is now my mantra. If solicited,
respond thoughtfully and kindly. If not, keep your counsel. And I
don't know about anyone else, but the idea that I am some prototype of parenting is pretty ridiculous when I think back to how
I winged it, and how often I got it wrong.
Those are the granular challenges, of course. Then there are
the more global problems: dealing with divorced parents as a
grandparent, concerns about the economy and the education

system. I feel an even more urgent need to be a good citizen
in order to be a good grandparent. Shame on any Nana who
doesn't vote.
GRAND - Now that you have another really good reason to
take good care of yourself (Arthur), can you share what you do
to keep fit and in good health?
ANNA QUINDLEN - I walk really fast, run, or combine the
two every morning for an hour, which is not only cardio but
clean out the synapses of the brain and think about the writing time. Sometimes I do it with one of my girlfriends, which
is restore the spirit time. I work out with a trainer three times a
week, mainly kettle bells, body weight exercises, and the TRX. I
lift heavy, do real pushups and burpees, am generally in better
shape at 67 than I was at 27. I also eat healthy and clean most of
the time, although I've never met a slice of pizza or an ice cream
cone that I couldn't make friends with. I get eight hours sleep
most nights. Luck of the draw: no real health problems, nothing that has been replaced by an orthopedic surgeon. When I
pick Arthur up at preschool I walk him home 25 city clocks while
pushing him in the stroller, then walk back home again. The
other night I did a brisk walk for an hour with Ivy in the baby
carrier. Breast-fed baby-man, that was a workout!

Some of our favorite books by Anna Quindlen

21 GRAND

JULY-AUG 2019

GRAND Magazine - July/August 2019

Table of Contents for the Digital Edition of GRAND Magazine - July/August 2019