GRAND Magazine- Winter 2021 - 6

new grandparents

The 10 commandments for grandparents
BY JILL BOWLER

he news that I was going to be a grandma was
one of the most thrilling moments of my life. I just
couldn't wait! My husband and were still young
enough to really enjoy our new roles as grandparents.
This was going to be the highlight of my life.
As I was having these total " delusions " of grandeur, I
thought this was my chance to make right all the wrongs
I had committed on my own children. Certainly, I could
raise this next generation with much more wisdom and
finesse than I could possibly have done 20 years ago.
Imagine my shock when the reality set in that this was

not a do-over for me! As a matter of fact, this had nothing to do with me getting a second chance at all.
As grandparents, we play an important support role
in the lives of our adult children and grandchildren.
However, we need to accept and respect that we are
just that - the supporting cast - not the leading lady.
Sheesh! What a diva I was! I guess we all have to come
to grips with the fact that the spotlight has passed and
it's now time to help our children be successful parents -
albeit, in a quiet, caring way.

1. Thou Shalt Accept the Fact That This Is Their
Life and Family

Isn't this what you have been waiting for? Your children are all grown up and ready to start a family of their
own. It's your chance to be proud of the way you raised
them. Slow down, girlfriend! Remember that this is their
chance to be parents and do things their way. Think back
to when you were a kid. Weren't there things that your
parents did that you said you would never do? Yeah, me
too. To read more...

2. Thou Shalt Accept Thy Supportive Role as
Grandparents

Similar to the first commandment, you have to not
only accept that this is your children's life but accept
your new role in that life. There are a few levels within
6 GRAND

WINTER 2021

this role as well. Let me explain. If you are a grandparent on the maternal side of things, then you may have
a more prominent position. Mothers tend to gravitate more towards their own parents first and since
they're usually the primary caregivers, you're going
to be much more in the know about your grandkids.
(I do recognize that this role of primary caregiver is
changing these days, but for now, I believe that this
still holds pretty true.) However, if you are a paternal
grandparent, you may end up feeling a bit left out now
and again. To read more...

3. Parents Shalt Make the Rules - Not the
Grandparents

Your child is now in a relationship with someone who
grew up with a whole different set of rules than your
child did. Now, they have to work out the bugs of bringing two lives together under one roof. This will probably
involve their making some compromises. They don't
need you trying to tell them how to do that. To read
more...

4. Thou Shalt Keep Thy Mouth Shut

Bite your tongue, zip your lip, close your trap - whatever you call it - just don't say it! You know what I am
talking about. Criticism, judgment, or anything that looks
like either of those needs to stay firmly inside your head
Continued on next page

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GRAND Magazine- Winter 2021

Table of Contents for the Digital Edition of GRAND Magazine- Winter 2021