GRAND Magazine - Summer 2023 - 14
ask dr. gramma karen
A stepmother's advice
BY KAREN L. RANCOURT, PH.D.
When I met my husband, I learned he had been married
before and had full custody of his four-year-old son, who
was the love of his life. He was a wonderful dad and excelled
in that role. His extended family consisted of his father,
stepmother, two sisters, and one brother.
I had never been married or had any experience with raising
children. However, I was raised by a very kind, thoughtful, and
loving mother. She instilled in me the value of family and the
importance of a strong moral background. I felt comfortable
moving forward.
As our relationship progressed, I spent a considerable
amount of quality time having open and easyflowing
conversations with my husband's family
and friends. These interactions helped me to
understand the dynamics of his family. They
were all very welcoming and I'm happy
to say, it wasn't long before I felt accepted.
From the beginning, my husband and I have enjoyed an
open and supportive dialogue on parenting techniques.
Whenever a disciplinary situation occurred, we used the
" united front " approach. We tried to remain fair and
consistent with expectations as we supported and learned from
each other.
We did attend a few parenting classes and sought advice
from a friend who is a child-rearing professional. As the
saying goes, " It takes a village " .
My stepson's biological mother had visitation rights which
she exercised during the summer months and holiday time. I
was very sensitive to the fact that I would be my stepson's fulltime
mom. I took this role very seriously and always tried to
put my stepson's well-being first.
Fortunately, the relationship between all of us - that is,
between my stepson's biological mom and her husband and us
- was always cordial, flexible, and respectful. However, we did
face a couple of challenges. For example, there were few or no
rules when my stepson spent summer vacations with his mom
and stepdad: gifts were plentiful; the word " no " didn't exist.
It was difficult at times for our son to transition back to a
routine with a proper schedule and reasonable expectations
after these visits. Patience and perseverance were the keys to
our success.
I feel good about my role as a stepmother. I believe that
exercising listening skills, remaining open to feedback,
and keeping a positive unselfish attitude have helped me
through this journey.
It is my hope that using these approaches can help
other stepparents have more peaceful and satisfying
relationships with their children.
14 GRAND Summer 2023
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GRAND Magazine - Summer 2023
Table of Contents for the Digital Edition of GRAND Magazine - Summer 2023
Contents
GRAND Magazine - Summer 2023 - Cover1
GRAND Magazine - Summer 2023 - 2
GRAND Magazine - Summer 2023 - 3
GRAND Magazine - Summer 2023 - Contents
GRAND Magazine - Summer 2023 - 5
GRAND Magazine - Summer 2023 - 6
GRAND Magazine - Summer 2023 - 7
GRAND Magazine - Summer 2023 - 8
GRAND Magazine - Summer 2023 - 9
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