GRAND Magazine - Summer 2023 - 27

assisted living
help ward off age-related decline. Older adults who
continue to learn and challenge themselves are more
likely to have better memory, attention, and problem-solving
skills.
Sharing stories can deepen your relationship and
provide opportunities for your parents to feel heard
and valued. Lifecycle events and " firsts " are fun stories
to share across all three generations-you, your parents,
and your kids (the grandkids). Take turns telling
stories of first crushes, cars, embarrassing or proud
moments, and more.
3. Enable lifelong learning
Learning unleashes creativity, no matter your age.
Encouraging your parents to continue learning and
growing can enhance their quality of life. Engaging
in activities or exercise, especially in assisted living
communities, is essential for both physical and mental
health. Suggest online classes, workshops, or lectures
that align with your parents' interests or passions.
Invite them to teach you something. I surveyed my
neighbors about their hobbies and past careers and
set up sessions where we all taught and learned from
each other, in person and for free.
Lifelong learning promotes cognitive health and can
27 GRAND Summer 2023
4. Talk about the " B " word
What do you know about how your parents feel
about aging? You likely don't know unless you ask. I
am always concerned about the " B " word...as in, am
I a burden to my adult children? I decided to ask my
daughter. She said " You and Mom taught me to love
and care for each member of the family. I want to continue
to do that. Share with me what you are going
through. " While you don't have to quote my daughter,
feel free to borrow her words. That was a wonderful
and reassuring answer to me.
Know that your parents appreciate all that you do.
If they're not calling, it could be because they don't
want to be a burden. Reassure them of your love, that
they're not a burden, and how much you enjoy the
time spent together. Offer concrete ways you can help
or show your appreciation. Using humor, expressing
gratitude, or offering to do specific tasks can help alleviate
any guilt or stress they may feel.
5. Give space for your parents to
talk about aging and dying
Finally, it's essential to give your parents the space
and support they need to talk about their aging and
mortality. Active listening, empathy, and respect for
their wishes can help ease any hesitation around these
difficult conversations.
Don't be afraid to ask your parents how they feel
about aging, their end-of-life wishes, or any fears or
concerns they may have. And, you never know how
they will respond! When Deanna asked her dad, he
did answer as she feared: " Are you trying to " off " me? "
he asked. But he shared with his grandson, aka her
son, that he was excited-it was the last adventure
where no one knew what would happen. On the other
hand, Deanna's mom affirmed that she absolutely
loved her life and was most concerned about writing
a good obituary. I broached the topic with my family
and surprised them with my desire to be buried in
a canoe, after a lifelong love of camping (read that
story here.)
What helping your parents may
teach you about aging
America's population of persons aged 90 and older
has almost tripled since 1980, reaching 1.9 million in
2010. According to the 2020 Census (as reported in
Thoughtco.com in 2021) it will continue to increase
to more than 7.6 million over the next 40 years.
Click here to continue reading
Jerry Witkovsky, a social worker by
training, has been a beloved mentor to
thousands of individuals and generations
of families. He's a grandparenting activist
and passionate grandpa. He is the author
of The Grandest Love, The Secrets to
Entering Your Grandchild's Life and Where
Two Worlds Meet. He recently moved into
assisted living in California.

https://www.facebook.com/GRANDmagazine https://www.grandparentsunleashed.com/2019/11/06/how-do-you-want-us-to-celebrate-your-death/ https://www.grandparentsunleashed.com/2019/11/06/how-do-you-want-us-to-celebrate-your-death/ https://www.thoughtco.com/living-past-90-in-america-3321510 https://www.grandmagazine.com/2023/05/five-ways-to-help-your-parents-thrive-in-independent-or-assisted-living-2/ https://www.amazon.com/Secret-Entering-Your-Grandchilds-World/dp/153715253X#:~:text=https%3A//www.amazon.com/Secret%2DEntering%2DYour%2DGrandchilds%2DWorld/dp/153715253X%3F%26linkCode%3Dll1%26tag%3Dgrandmagazi0d%2D20%26linkId%3D60f598aa39e2aa5f38cdaef842bfeed6%26language%3Den_US%26ref_%3Das_li_ss_tl https://www.amazon.com/GRANDEST-LOVE-Inspiring-Grandparent-Grandchild-Connection-ebook/dp/B00GXAYNCM?ie=UTF8&btkr=1&ref_=dp-kindle-redirect https://www.amazon.com/Secret-Entering-Your-Grandchilds-World/dp/153715253X#:~:text=https%3A//www.amazon.com/Secret%2DEntering%2DYour%2DGrandchilds%2DWorld/dp/153715253X%3F%26linkCode%3Dll1%26tag%3Dgrandmagazi0d%2D20%26linkId%3D60f598aa39e2aa5f38cdaef842bfeed6%26language%3Den_US%26ref_%3Das_li_ss_tl https://www.amazon.com/Where-Two-Worlds-Meet-Grandchildren-ebook/dp/B0BZNDJS9V?crid=1UBHU9QN9X2HK&keywords=where+two+worlds+meet&qid=1684706753&s=books&sprefix=where+two+worlds+meet%2Cstripbooks%2C121&sr=1-3&linkCode=ll1&tag=grandmagazi0d-20&linkId=a982935188cc6b838f72011ed8db0beb&language=en_US&ref_=as_li_ss_tl https://www.amazon.com/Where-Two-Worlds-Meet-Grandchildren-ebook/dp/B0BZNDJS9V?crid=1UBHU9QN9X2HK&keywords=where+two+worlds+meet&qid=1684706753&s=books&sprefix=where+two+worlds+meet%2Cstripbooks%2C121&sr=1-3&linkCode=ll1&tag=grandmagazi0d-20&linkId=a982935188cc6b838f72011ed8db0beb&language=en_US&ref_=as_li_ss_tl

GRAND Magazine - Summer 2023

Table of Contents for the Digital Edition of GRAND Magazine - Summer 2023