GRAND Magazine - Spring 2024 - 17

ask dr. gramma karen
A couple of months later, when we were with
Heather and Jordan, we explained what had
happened to Gary. We asked them about their
druthers when we faced medical challenges in
the future, and at our age, more medical challenges
were guaranteed. Specifically, at what
point do they want to know we have something
medical going on?
Heather, who tends toward emotionality,
didn't need to think about it: " I want to know
the minute something's up. "
Jordan, who tends to be more pensive and
analytical, took his time, and finally said, " I
would rather you wait at least 24 hours until
you have something concrete to report. "
Okay, next time around we'll probably take a
middle course and give the situation some time
to produce some possible or actual diagnoses
before informing them. Good, we have a plan.
MY HYPOCRISY
That said, in the name of full disclosure,
I must share my hypocrisy. Several months
later, when my sister alerted the family to a
medical emergency her husband was having,
I was all over it. I was totally obnoxious, wanting
details and updates almost hourly. My
sister, probably tired of hearing from me, put
out a text message to the family saying she
would give a daily update when she got home
from the hospital each night. I am happy to
report that after months of rough go of it, my
brother-in-law is doing much better.
The point I want to make is that it is a good
17 GRAND SPRING 2024
" "
Without prior discussion,
hurt feelings and
misunderstandings can arise
idea to discuss family members as to the
timing and content of communicating details
when someone is faced with a medical challenge.
Without prior discussion, hurt feelings
and misunderstandings can arise.
CASE IN POINT
I am reminded of the grandmother who
contacted me a few years ago looking for
some advice. In her situation, she had been
diagnosed with a serious cancer. Her grown
daughter was distraught upon hearing this
and was calling several times a day wanting
to know how she was doing if she was taking
her medications, if should she get her some
help, etc.
Understandably, the daughter wanted to
be in the loop, but her need for updates was
causing her mother distress. I suggested the
grandmother set a schedule with her daughter
that worked for her, the grandmother that
is, and share this schedule as a given, not
open to negotiation. So, every Wednesday
and Sunday, at 5 p.m., the daughter would
call and ask all her questions. The last I heard,
this routine was in place for several months
and still working.
This is a good example of a win-win: the
daughter gets the information she needs,
maybe not as frequently as she would prefer,
but she is being kept informed. The grandmother
is in the driver's seat, giving information
she wants to share, when she wants to
share it.
OTHER EXAMPLES
In the past few years that I have been writing
my " Ask Dr. Gramma Karen " column, I
have been asked for advice related to sharing
information about medical challenges family
members face. Examples include:
* " What to do if you or your spouse
has a terminal illness and the two of you
disagree on when to have the end-of-life
'talk' with the kids "
* " Talking with Teenagers about
Grandfather's Illness. "
* " How to Explain Grandmother's
Imminent Death. "
* " Talking With Children About a Family
Member's Medical Challenges "
Click to continue reading
Look Inside
" This book...set me
straight. I wasn't sure
where my boundaries
were as a grandma... "
A Must--‐Read for
Grandparents
A Must Read for
Everyone!
This book takes the
uncertainty and thorniness
out of relationships.
No more being confused,
or unsure about what to
do, often doing something
that makes a relationship
even worse!
" Karen identifies the
cause and effect of
family issues in plain
and simple language. "
--‐ Amazon.com Reviewers
Karen L. Rancourt, Ph.D., advice
columnist, is also an author. Her
most recent book is, It's All About
Relationships: New Ways to Make
Them Healthy and Fulfilling, at
Home and at Work.
Show me the book!

https://www.facebook.com/GRANDmagazine https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/098962742X/ref=as_li_qf_asin_il_tl?ie=UTF8&tag=grandmagazi0d-20&creative=9325&linkCode=as2&creativeASIN=098962742X&linkId=66a0e1a55f91dad29012703995da3f18 https://www.grandmagazine.com/2014/04/ask-dr-gramma-karen-end-life-dilemma/ https://www.grandmagazine.com/2014/04/ask-dr-gramma-karen-end-life-dilemma/ https://www.grandmagazine.com/2014/04/ask-dr-gramma-karen-end-life-dilemma/ https://www.grandmagazine.com/2014/04/ask-dr-gramma-karen-end-life-dilemma/ https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/098962742X/ref=as_li_qf_asin_il_tl?ie=UTF8&tag=grandmagazi0d-20&creative=9325&linkCode=as2&creativeASIN=098962742X&linkId=66a0e1a55f91dad29012703995da3f18 https://mommybites.com/col2/big-kid/talking-teenagers-grandfathers-illness/ https://mommybites.com/col2/big-kid/talking-teenagers-grandfathers-illness/ https://mommybites.com/col2/grandparents/ask-dr-gramma-karen-explain-grandmothers-imminent-death/ https://mommybites.com/col2/grandparents/ask-dr-gramma-karen-explain-grandmothers-imminent-death/ https://karenrancourt.com/family-medical-discussions/ https://karenrancourt.com/family-medical-discussions/ https://www.grandmagazine.com/2024/03/gramma-karen-what-to-tell-your-family-about-your-medical-challenges/ http://www.Amazon.com https://www.askdrgrammakaren.com https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/098962742X/ref=as_li_qf_asin_il_tl?ie=UTF8&tag=grandmagazi0d-20&creative=9325&linkCode=as2&creativeASIN=098962742X&linkId=66a0e1a55f91dad29012703995da3f18 http://www.karenrancourt.com/ https://www.amazon.com/Its-All-About-Relationships-Fulfilling/dp/098962742X/ref=tmm_pap_swatch_0?_encoding=UTF8&qid=1553688108&sr=1-2-fkmrnull https://www.amazon.com/Its-All-About-Relationships-Fulfilling/dp/098962742X/ref=tmm_pap_swatch_0?_encoding=UTF8&qid=1553688108&sr=1-2-fkmrnull https://www.amazon.com/Its-All-About-Relationships-Fulfilling/dp/098962742X/ref=tmm_pap_swatch_0?_encoding=UTF8&qid=1553688108&sr=1-2-fkmrnull https://www.amazon.com/Its-All-About-Relationships-Fulfilling/dp/098962742X/ref=tmm_pap_swatch_0?_encoding=UTF8&qid=1553688108&sr=1-2-fkmrnull

GRAND Magazine - Spring 2024

Table of Contents for the Digital Edition of GRAND Magazine - Spring 2024