GRAND Magazine - Summer 2024 - 11
ask dr. gramma karen
Should you let your grandchildren
win in games and sports?
BY KAREN L. RANCOURT
A reader recently wrote me:
Dear Dr. Gramma Karen,
When playing sports or games with the grandkids, do
you let them win all the time, some of the time, or not
until they legitimately can beat you?
After playing tennis and other sports with my eight
grandkids and some of their friends, I have concluded
that the best thing to do is let them win, unless they
start trash-talking you. Then you must teach them a
lesson.
Here is my example. I was, and am, a pretty good
tennis player. I let my grandson beat me consistently
until he was about 12, at which time he started telling
me he did not want to play with me anymore because
he always beat me (because I let him) and would
always beat me, saying such things to me as, " You are
no good, a loser. "
At that time, I thought it best to outplay him to teach
him not to trash talk any opponent. After I soundly beat
him, I explained to him that when you lose, you say
little, and when you win, you say even less. I emphasized
that you never, ever belittle your opponent. I
don't think he was happy with my lecture, but he said
11 GRAND Summer 2024
he understood; I think he learned his
lesson.
Your thoughts?
My response
You raise an interesting issue
regarding grandparents playing
games and sports with their
grandchildren.
First and foremost, underlying all
such interactions should be the goal
that the games and sports be fun and
enjoyable for all parties.
When the kids are young and just learning about
games and sports and how to follow the rules, make
sure they win some the time.
Examples:
If you're playing tag, slow down and be caught;
if you're playing hide-and-seek, stretch out finding
the grandchild, even though he can easily be spotted;
if playing card games, don't play all your winning
cards when you can; if playing checkers, forgo
setting up that double or triple jump.
Yes! I say it's okay, even advisable, to let young
kids win. As they get older and gain experience,
skills, and confidence, adjust the " let them win "
accordingly: keep them challenged, expanding
their capabilities, and having fun. And be gracious
if they eventually surpass you!
Note: I would be remiss if I didn't point out that
not everyone agrees with me that there are times
when we need to let our kids/grandkids win.
Continued on next page
https://www.facebook.com/GRANDmagazine
https://citydadsgroup.com/i-never-let-my-kids-win/
https://alansteinjr.com/dont-let-your-kids-win/
https://www.thecut.com/2016/11/one-reason-why-parents-shouldnt-just-let-kids-win-at-games.html
GRAND Magazine - Summer 2024
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