Elephants and Tea - December 2021 - 12

Grieving NED
I
BY KIMBER HARRIS
had just completed my sixth round of Taxotere, Carboplatin,
Herceptin, and Perjeta (TCHP) and the first of
many surgeries that proved to be a year-long mindfuck,
emotionally. The purpose of my post-operative
appointment with my oncologist was to discuss the
pathology report from my recent bilateral mastectomy
and removal of 18 lymph nodes. My best friend was
with me. She and I held hands through the hallways
of the cancer center, in the same way we've held hands
through everything else life has thrown at us, since we
were five-years old. Amongst the shitty cards we had
already been dealt was a perfectly fanned-out hand
of fuckery that we always held close and tight to our
single shared soul. Our ugly cards were single-digit,
non-matches from varying suits, including: Deaths of
12
ELEPHANTSANDTEA.COM
DECEMBER 2021
Our Parents, Her Ongoing Health Crises, a Colorful Range
of Abuse, the obligatory Abusive First Boyfriends, the Death
of Her Son, Our Miscarriages, and now, Cancer.
Bubs and I sat together on the vinyl bench in the waiting
area. I was exhausted and in pain, still stitched and bandaged,
recovering from surgery. I wanted to be positive
and excited, because this was The Appointment. I could
remember wanting so badly to get to this visit. I had prayed
to hear those beautiful words, " Pathologic Complete Response
to Treatment, " since before having my PowerPort
surgically implanted below my right clavicle. A supposedly
magical medical phrase that would send me soaring
into the next chapter of my life and launch me forward,
far enough to where this present horror would become a
distant memory. I had been striving for this moment from
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Elephants and Tea - December 2021

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