Elephants and Tea - December 2021 - 19

DIAGNOSIS Grieving Yourself
And that is OK! I learned in
this discussion that so many
other people were experiencing
the same struggles and were
learning right there with me.
I don't know about the other
participants, but I was bawling
my eyes out at times. To finally
be given the right words that
expressed how I was feeling was
such a release. I could use what
I was learning to take it easier
on myself. I had lost myself,
the old me. I was not going to
get that person back, and I had
the right to grieve this loss and
start focusing on the person I
was becoming.
I needed to realize that going
through an experience like cancer
is something you do not just
get over, like I had been trying
to do. You cannot forget about
it and bury it deep while going about a
" normal " life. That is when the hardest
times end up surfacing. It is something
that you need to grieve and then take
with you, whether you want to or not.
I still struggle with the grief caused
by cancer. Some days feel normal, and
even some weeks can go by where I feel
almost like everyone else. But weeks
where there are doctor appointments
and scans always seem to send me back
to that starting point. I end up grieving
all over again, spending nights reflecting
on everything that has happened
and still not believing it. How is it
possible? I ask myself that all the time. Even
months later it still does not always feel real.
For me, it all happened so quickly. I was normal
one day: a young adult celebrating another
family now. It is not a family you ever intend
to join, but it is a family that helps you when
you need it the most.
My grief does not stop me from living. If
anything, I appreciate the good days that much
more now. I know that none of these days are
guaranteed, so whenever we have date nights,
family outings, or new experiences, they all
mean the world to me. I smile and I laugh and
I live my life the best that I can. The sorrow has
not gone away and still sneaks up from time to
time, but I have people in my life that help me
work through it instead of ignoring it. I will
forever be grateful for my support system. I
know not everyone has people they can rely
on, and that is why the
cancer family becomes
such a great support.
While I am in no way
an expert, if I could give
any advice, it would be
to reach out: to go to that
conference, to listen to
others' experiences. It
may just give you the
words you need to understand
your own pain
and give you the chance
to learn that what you
are feeling is okay. 2021
may not have been my
year in the way that I
had planned, but 2021
did not beat me. I am
still here and have hopes
for my future. They may
look different than before,
but I will be taking
birthday. Then just days later, the entire world
was flipped upside down, and within a week
I was on the path that both saved my life but
also altered it forever. I am part of the cancer
my experiences with me and doing my best
to use them, not only for myself but for anyone
else that I come into contact with. 2022,
here we come. l
ASHLEY SEVERSON WAS BORN IN SOUTHERN CALIFORNIA AND GRADUATED FROM
CALIFORNIA STATE UNIVERSITY DOMINGUEZ HILLS IN 2017 WITH A BACHELOR'S
DEGREE IN PSYCHOLOGY. SHE SPENT A TERM SERVING WITH AMERICORPS NCCC, WHERE
SHE TRAVELED TO STATES ACROSS THE SOUTHWEST, SERVING WITH HABITAT FOR
HUMANITY, THE BOYS AND GIRLS CLUBS OF AMERICA, HURRICANE RELIEF AGENCIES,
AND OTHER NONPROFITS. SHE WAS DIAGNOSED WITH STAGE IV RENAL CELL CARCINOMA
IN APRIL OF 2021. HER GOALS FOR THE FUTURE INCLUDE HELPING OTHERS AND
BECOMING AN ADVOCATE FOR OTHER CANCER SURVIVORS.
ELEPHANTSANDTEA.COM
DECEMBER 2021
19
http://www.ELEPHANTSANDTEA.COM
Elephants and Tea - December 2021

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