Elephants and Tea - March 2022 - 33

PAIN OF THE PAST Examining Your Faith
" And I leaned heavily on my faith and in God.
Because the thing was... I saw this as a miracle.
And I started to see my body as a gift that I needed
to take care of. And then came the realization
that... we were made for great things. "
Faith for me came from knowing that I
could not turn to anyone else. It came from
feeling a type of peace I could only feel in
His presence. It came from understanding
that I may never understand, but there was
comfort in knowing that there was a place
beyond this that would await me if it was
my time.
The song I sang over and over during
that time was a worship song called " He
knows my name. "
He knows my name
He knows my every thought,
He sees each tear that falls and
Hears me when I call.
There was something so warming in the
idea that someone saw me as I was, knew
me inside out and loved me enough to be
invested in hearing what I had to say.
The doctors were somber, pessimistic (or
realistic...I could never tell those two apart)
of what my treatments would look like and
the limitations we might face.
And after prayers and tears were cried,
the best outcome none of us had imagined
happened.
Complete cure through surgery. All of
the worst case scenarios, suddenly, gone.
There would be follow ups and x-rays
regularly to check " i f " (a lthough it
sounded like they really meant " when " )
it came back.
And here I was with life handed back to
me, and I felt even more lost than when I
was first diagnosed because...
How do you start living again when you
thought you were dying?
This part for me was the most overwhelming
and loneliest part, because there were
no doctors who gave me advice on things
that mattered to me - like what could I
do to prevent this from happening again?
I know it sounds crazy, but cancer free
doesn't always feel free.
Because it still meant I was worried about
my future or how long that future would be.
Because it still meant I was now left with
nagging pains from the surgery. Because it
still meant every " off " feeling brought back
anxiety of recurrence. Because it still meant
that while I was so excited to find a partner
I could build a life and a family with - I
also didn't know if I should.
Because... what if the cancer came back
and their lives and hearts were left broken?
It took me a good number of years to
fully understand how to move forward and
that I could.
That I could empower myself to feel better,
to get my health in order, to dream big
dreams again and move forward boldly.
And I leaned heavily on my faith and in
God. Because the thing was... I saw this
as a miracle. And I started to see my body
as a gift that I needed to take care of. And
then came the realization that...
We were made for great things.
That each one of us has a purpose and
that we each have this little circle of impact
we have power over. That my life was no
less worthy or beautiful because of what I
had gone through, for the scar that could
be used to define me was a story of courage,
faith and love.
I think when I finally opened myself to
the full possibility of what my life could
be like, and the confidence that God had
bigger plans for me than I could understand
and see - that my life really started
opening up.
I was led to work with people just like me
and help cancer survivors after treatment
make the move to reclaim their life and
health again. And what a beautiful thing
this is to see.
I met my now husband on a blind date
and found a love that I had prayed for -
a love that was unwavering and loyal, like
the love I had felt from God.
I gave birth to three beautiful girls and
built a family I had hoped and dreamed I
would one day have.
I thank God daily that I didn't give up living,
that I didn't stop dreaming big dreams.
Because it makes me sad to think that I
could have wasted more than 20 years of
my life on a " what if " - and I don't know
if there is anything more devastating than
living a life centered in the fear of something
that hasn't happened yet and may
never happen.
Instead, I push forward boldly, breathing
in moments I don't take for granted,
committed to dream bigger dreams, and
reminding myself of the purpose that drives
me and the God that created, loved and gave
me hope when there seemed to be none. l
BECKY LEE WAS DIAGNOSED WITH SYNOVIAL SARCOMA AT THE AGE OF 16 AND HAS BEEN
A CANCER THRIVER FOR OVER 20 YEARS. SHE HAS FOUND HER PASSION AND PURPOSE
IN LIFE AS A NATUROPATHIC DOCTOR AND A CANCER COACH HELPING WOMEN RECOVER
AND RECLAIM THEIR HEALTH AND LIVES POST TREATMENTS. SHE IS ALSO A MOM OF
THREE BEAUTIFUL GIRLS, A CHASER OF JOY AND BEAUTIFUL MEMORIES.
ELEPHANTSANDTEA.COM
MARCH 2022
33
http://www.ELEPHANTSANDTEA.COM
Elephants and Tea - March 2022

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