Elephants and Tea - March 2022 - 34

Frustration in Faith MOVING FORWARD
Light of Religion
Letting in the
BY ERIN LEIBOWITZ
T
34
he year was 2015. I was 29, about to turn 30, and had big
plans for the future. I was finishing up my master's degree
in Jewish Education and Communal service, essentially
nonprofit management in the Jewish world, and I was getting
my ducks in a row to move to Israel. I had spent the past five
years going back and forth from Israel, and had fallen in love
with the people and lifestyle there, and I wanted to make
my life there. As I prepped for my exciting life
ahead, I was dealing with some pesky symptoms
that I wanted to get resolved before relocating
across the world.
It took several months, but in the last semester
of my M.A. program, it happened. We finally
found what was causing all of my problems. A
tumor on my pancreas. Okay, no problem, get it
removed and on to Israel, right?! Well, it turns out
the pesky little tumor was cancer. Incurable cancer.
At the time, I thought I was destined for a certain
death in the very near future. I had no context for
my diagnosis. My understanding of cancer was very
simplistic - the way many " muggles " view cancer.
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You get cancer, you fight and you either win or lose. So I now knew
that I had cancer and it wasn't ever going to go away, and ultimately,
I was destined to lose.
I did the only thing I knew how to do at the time - I panicked.
And once I recovered from the panic of the complete, world shattering
diagnosis that is cancer, I turned to my books.
I already knew the Jewish response to illness in the community.
At least once a week, during regular services, there is a
prayer recited called " Misheberach. " This prayer is
recited for those who are ill, anticipating surgery,
or in need of healing. I recalled the main passage
and main message. It asks God to grant a speedy
recovery to whomever is ill.
a complete healing -
healing of the body -
Soon, speedily, without delay
My response was guttural. A speedy recovery?
What the actual fuck. So, the recovery is assumed?
What are we supposed to say to people who will not
recover? I was incensed. My Judaism had gotten me
through a lot. I never identified as a religious person,
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