Elephants and Tea - June 2022 - 24

Sexuality INTIMATE ISSUES WITH MARLOE
▷ Adopt Sexual Aids
Augmenting sexual encounters with products that provide
reliable stimulation can help with sexual response. Both the
American Cancer Society1
and the National Comprehensive
Cancer Network10
suggest considering a device such as a vibrator
to help with orgasm problems after cancer. These devices are
not just for solo love; they can also be incorporated into partner
play. An advantage to the use of a vibrator is that it can prevent
fatigue because it makes it easier to sustain the amount and
duration of stimulation that you might need to reach orgasm.
Your local sexual health boutique is a great place to talk with
a knowledgeable expert and to see different device options,
but sometimes people feel more comfortable ordering online.
Great retailers include A Woman's Touch, The Tool Shed, and
Smitten Kitten, among others. If you are looking for a way to
spend your Target, Amazon, or Walmart gift card, look no
further! Options abound at these retailers, too. To learn more
about vibrators, check out the guide4
from A Woman's Touch.
▷ Try Some Bibliotherapy
This is just a fancy term for educating yourself by reading! Some
books on the topic include Becoming Orgasmic by Julia Heiman
and colleagues, Come as You Are: The Surprising New Science
that Will Transform Your Sex Life by Emily Nagoski, Woman
Cancer Sex by Anne Katz, and Sex Matters for Women, Second
Edition: A Complete Guide to Taking Care of Your Sexual Self
by Sallie Foley and colleagues. A Woman's Touch also has a
great online resource3
to get you started. If you have a partner,
consider enlisting them as a study buddy.
PUTTING ORGASMS IN THEIR PLACE
OK, so after all this talk about orgasms, I just want to be clear that
experiencing an orgasm is not essential for satisfying sex. I repeat,
orgasm is not the only route to sexual satisfaction. In fact, you might
even be thinking to yourself, What's all the fuss about? I don't need
BIBLIOGRAPHY AND REFERENCES
1. " Managing Female Sexual Problems Related to Cancer, "
American Cancer Society, (2022). https://www.cancer.
org/treatment/treatments-and-side-effects/physicalside-effects/fertility-and-sexual-side-effects/sexualityfor-women-with-cancer/problems.html.
Accessed April
17, 2022.
2. " Orgasms for People with Vulvas and Vaginas, " A
Woman's Touch Sexuality Resource Center, (2020). https://
sexualityresources.com/wp-content/uploads/Orgasm20-1.
pdf. Accessed April 17, 2022.
3. " Self-Pleasuring for People with Vulvas and Vaginas, "
A Woman's Touch Sexuality Resource Center, (2021).
https://sexualityresources.com/wp-content/uploads/
SelfPleasureVulva21-1.pdf. Accessed April 17, 2022.
4. " Tips for First-Time Vibrator Users, " A Woman's
Touch Sexuality Resource Center (2020). https://
sexualityresources.com/wp-content/uploads/
TipsFirsttimeVibes20-1.pdf. Accessed April 17, 2022.
5. Andrea Bradford, PhD, " Treatment of Female Orgasmic
Disorder, " UpToDate, (2020). https://www.uptodate.com/
contents/treatment-of-female-orgasmic-disorder. Accessed
April 17, 2022.
6. Andrea Bradford, PhD, " Female Orgasmic Disorder:
Epidemiology, Pathogenesis, Clinical Manifestations,
Course, Assessment, and Diagnosis, UpToDate, (2021).
https://www.uptodate.com/contents/female-orgasmicdisorder-epidemiology-pathogenesis-clinical-manifestationscourse-assessment-and-diagnosis.
Accessed April 17, 2022.
7. Cindy M. Meston and David M. Buss, Why Women Have
Sex: Understanding Sexual Motivations from Adventure to
Revenge (and Everything in Between). (Times Books; First
edition, August 28, 2009).
8. Charlene L. Muehlenhard and Sheena K. Shippee, " Men's
and Women's Reports of Pretending Orgasm, Journal
of Sex Research, 47(6), 552-567 (2010). https://doi.
org/10.1080/00224490903171794. Accessed April 17, 2022.
9. Emily Nagoski, Come as You Are, (Simon & Schuster; First
edition, March 1, 2015).
10. National Comprehensive Cancer Network. " NCCN
Guidelines: Survivorship, " [Version 1.2022], March 30, 2022.
https://www.nccn.org/professionals/physician_gls/pdf/
survivorship.pdf. Accessed April 17, 2022.
11. John P. Wincze and Risa B. Weisberg, Sexual Dysfunction,
Third Edition: A Guide for Assessment and Treatment Third
Edition, (The Guilford Press; Third edition, May 11, 2015.)
an orgasm to truly enjoy a good romp with my partner! To this I say:
Truth! Enjoying sex without having an orgasm is totally legit. Not to
mention, it's common.
If you don't orgasm with sex, you are normal. (Please visit the
section " Am I Normal? " for some additional reassurance). In fact,
a lack of orgasms with sexual activity in itself isn't considered dysfunctional
at all. While about 20 percent to 40 percent of women
around the world report difficulties achieving orgasm with sex,
only a minority (in one American study, less than 5%) report also
being concerned or distressed about this.6
For a lot of vulva-owners,
whether or not they orgasm with sexual activity isn't necessarily a
top priority or a motivation for sex.
The research of Cindy Meston and David Buss showcases this
point-they identified 237 unique reasons women reported for
engaging in sex, and having an orgasm was just one of them.7
can I say? We are complex! Other reasons included: 7
What
for pleasure
or excitement, emotional connection and intimacy, relationshipbuilding,
curiosity and adventure, relaxation, relieving pesky period
cramps, to burn some calories, boredom, and because their partner
just smelled freakin' irresistible.
THE BOTTOM LINE
If you are curious about exploring your orgasm potential, there are lots
of different things to try that can support your orgasm efforts. However,
orgasms are just one component of human sexual response. While they
can be a fabulous by-product of a sexual excursion, orgasms are not a
requirement for fun, enjoyable, and satisfying sex.
Whether or not an absence of orgasms warrants further investigation
or examination really depends on whether or not it's bothersome
or distressing to you. Remember, orgasms do not exist as
a performance for anybody-they are for you to enjoy if you wish.
Pleasure is the measure; the barometer for a successful tryst should
be how it makes you feel, rather than any orgasm tally. Check in
with yourself to determine whether your needs and desires are
being met, and go from there. Happy exploring! l
MARLOE ESCH, RN, BSN, IS AN ONCOLOGY CERTIFIED NURSE (OCN) AND YOUNG ADULT CANCER SURVIVOR, GRADUATED
FROM THE UNIVERSITY OF WISCONSIN - MADISON SCHOOL OF NURSING (GO BADGERS!) IN 2008. SHE ENJOYS
EDUCATING BOTH SURVIVORS AND HEALTHCARE PROFESSIONALS ON THE TOPIC OF CANCER AND SEXUALITY,
AND HAS PRESENTED FOR THE YOUNG SURVIVAL COALITION, THE ONCOLOGY NURSING SOCIETY, AND PLANNED
PARENTHOOD OF WISCONSIN, AMONG OTHERS. SHE HOLDS A CERTIFICATE FROM THE SEXUAL HEALTH CERTIFICATE
PROGRAM THROUGH THE UNIVERSITY OF MICHIGAN AND IS CURRENTLY PURSUING HER DOCTOR OF NURSING
PRACTICE (DNP) AT THE UNIVERSITY OF WISCONSIN - MILWAUKEE. AN ENTHUSIASTIC SUPPORTER OF SEXUAL
HEALTH AND WELLNESS, MARLOE IS MAKING IT HER MISSION TO BRING SEX INTO THE SURVIVORSHIP SPOTLIGHT.
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