Elephants and Tea - June 2022 - 31

DEAR JACK FOUNDATION Dear Cancer...
curse you. I am on my knees sobbing,
screaming, praying to the universe or
anyone who can hear me, for just a few
more years. Just a few more good scans.
So, I guess, in all that, I want to say
that I acknowledge you, Cancer. I see
you. I see that you are not a villain or
anything close to a person at all. You
are just a genet ic message that has
gone haywire. You are something that
my DNA never learned to clean up. I
don't think we should give you so much
power, Cancer. I think we should do to
Cancer, what we do to our most reviled
enemies-play loud music, do things
that make us happy, wear things that
make us feel beautiful, laugh with our
friends, and reclaim every ounce of our
own very-much-alive lives. Let's not
slap Cancer in the face or scream obscenities
or wear hot pink anti-cancer
shirts. Instead let's roll our eyes, toss
our hair, check in for our next chemo,
and move on with our lives the best
way we know how (or in the words of
Lizzo - " I do my hair toss, check my
nails, baby how you feelin'? Feeling
good as hell! " ).
Cancer, let me make this clear, you
don't hold power over me. I repeat (to
myself, multiple times a day) " you do
not hold power over me. " You. Do not.
Hold power. Over. Me.
- Bethany Buchanan
Stage 4 Breast Cancer
Dear Cancer,
There's one thing I will say about you. You don't care. You don't care that we had
two-year-old and five-month-old babies when you first showed up. You don't care
about me, or my family, or the damage you leave behind in my wife's body. You don't
care that I sometimes cry in the shower or in the car while I drive the kids to daycare.
You don't care if I wake up early, if I ride the exercise bike, if I work hard, if I try to
do all the right things. You don't care if it's Monday or Saturday, if there's a global
pandemic going on, if we have checked the mail, or paid our bills. You don't care if I am
clean-shaven, how many times I wear my Bethany's Fight Club T-Shirt, or how hard
we try to keep it all together. No matter what, you are still there. You are unrelenting.
When the medication seems to be working, you push through. You have your
objective (to divide unhealthy cells), and you achieve it again and again. I envy
your indomitable spirit. How you can't be suppressed; can't be starved out. You are
worse (or better?) than a cockroach in the survival game-you just keep coming
back. I wish I felt that power-to keep going and to rise above every challenge-to
do it again and again. I wish I felt that confidence in my own abilities. Perhaps,
instead of thinking about what other people think, worrying about my 401(k),
wondering if there is going to be a housing bubble, perhaps I should be more like
you: intentional, unrelenting, and constantly focused.
But can I be cancer? Could " being like cancer " ever be perceived as something
good? What would it mean to think more like " cancer " ? Perhaps there is something
to be learned from all this pain, this stress, this anguish. Maybe cancer has
taught me to love the ones in my life with cancer-like intensity. I will never stop
loving. There may be things going on in the world that I cannot control, but none
of it can stop my love. My love spreads like cancer. It doesn't care about the situation
or the " why " -it just barrels on through. It is " uncontrolled proliferation. "
I hope my love can spread to those impacted by cancer. I hope those people
can feel loved and know they are not alone. If you are out there and have cancer
or know someone with cancer, you have my love. Be like cancer and don't care.
Don't care who it is or how it is, spread your love. Cancer, I care, and I am love.
Let us be even more generous, insistent, and unrelenting with our love, even more
unrelenting than cancer. Most Importantly, always keep coming back.
- Nicholas Biedas
Bethany's Partner and Primary Caregiver
In partnership with the Dear Jack Foundation, this
column provides a platform for the often forgotten
partners of young adults with cancer. Each quarter,
we will give them space to share the experiences and
unique challenges they face as they care for their
loved ones.
The Dear Jack Foundation provides quality of life programming
that directly benefits young adult cancer patients, survivors, and their families. Dear Jack's Breathe Now Retreats
specifically offer young adult couples in survivorship the chance to reconnect in their relationship and foster their friendship
through yoga, meditation,connection, and psychosocial support.
ELEPHANTSANDTEA.COM
JUNE 2022
31

http://www.ELEPHANTSANDTEA.COM

Elephants and Tea - June 2022

Table of Contents for the Digital Edition of Elephants and Tea - June 2022