Elephants and Tea - June 2022 - 44

Dear Cancer...
DANIELLE BURNS
Dear Cancer,
I was in elementary school when I had fallen
outside and hurt my knee. I told my dad that
I was going to stay in my room from now on
because nothing bad could happen if I only
stayed in my room. He told me I could stay
in my room and nothing bad would happen,
but nothing good would happen either. That
didn't sound very fun.
So, I did what I thought were all the right
things. I paid the consequences when I did
something wrong, and I did everything I
could to do everything right. I made my bed
every morning and made my sisters when I
walked by and saw that she had forgotten.
I put dishes in the sink, and I didn't make
a mess. I was careful and brushed my teeth
to avoid breaking bones or getting cavities.
When I got older I didn't drink or smoke
or vape. I didn't mess around with boys,
and I was a loyal friend. I didn't lie and I
didn't cheat.
I was vice president of my class, a student
ambassador, and a peer minister. I was involved
with my Church and volunteered
at the local soup kitchen. I did all the right
things, I was a good kid by the world's
standards and my own. I didn't stay in my
room, but I tried to stay equally protected
outside of it.
But you still came my way, and you were
relentless.
I guess the diagnosis wasn't enough, even
in its terrible timing. I guess the allergic
TEEN CANCER AMERICA
DEAR CANCER, I DID ALL THE RIGHT THINGS
reaction to the first round of chemo wasn't
enough, either, as I turned purple, and my
lungs began to close. I guess neither was
the septic shock, the first or second or third
time. I guess the thirty pounds of IV fluid
gained overnight wasn't enough, or the deterioration
of all the muscle I had ever built.
My clean canvas became stricken with
scars and stretch marks.
You took my honest friendships and my
ability to walk up the stairs. You took my
school attendance and my hair. You took
my relationship with my sister, as she
watched me barely escape death in that
hospital room. She tried to blend into the
wall while eight nurses
took my blood pressure
before rushing me to the
ICU. In that sterile room,
we went from doing a Halloween
craft to realizing
the closeness of death. She
watched me be swept away,
where I would be for the
next two weeks, and she
never came back. If we
weren't close, the loss of
me would be easier. A lifetime
thus far of sisterhood
and friendship, broken as
I grabbed the yellow blanket,
starting to shake.
Even my room couldn't
protect me from your capabilities.
It couldn't then
and it can't now.
It's been four years since you have been
here, but the traces of you will linger for a
while still to come. You are in every stomachache,
chest pain, and swollen lymph
node. I don't think you will ever really be
gone. Nobody believes me when I think you
have come back around, they tell me it's
paranoia, or that I need to move on.
You didn't stop with me. You didn't stop
with my friends either. But I hope you stop
soon.
I hope to never see you again, but if I do,
it will be a good fight.
- Danielle
The Gen Z column is a partnership with Teen Cancer America and allows members
of Gen Z to speak their truth about living with cancer as younger AYAs.
Every adolescent and young adult (AYA) that gets diagnosed with cancer in the
United States deserves access to specialized clinical care and support services
that improve their survival and quality of life during and after treatment.
Teen Cancer America provides the expertise that hospitals and healthcare professionals
require to understand the unique needs and nuances of AYA cancer
care. They help health systems develop age-specific programs and restructure
those systems to best support the currently underserved population.
44
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Elephants and Tea - June 2022

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