Elephants and Tea - December 2022 - 24

What We've Lost
the news of which broke me down knowing
that the cycle doesn't end with me. She has a
daughter now. What does this mean for her
and her future? As a family, we delicately
danced between feelings of sadness and
feelings of empowerment. My sister would
now be faced with a difficult decision of
her own, but one that could save her from
going through what I did. My dad's siblings
would go on to be tested, which would lead
to cousins and their own children being
tested someday.
My sister and I share matching scars now;
two small lines where our fallopian tubes
once were, with difficult decisions regarding
additional matching scars on the horizon.
Our bodies have been cut apart and sewn
back up due to this recent news. In addition
to our brunette hair and our matching
dimples, we will always be linked by our
complementary scars, forever hoping that
enduring them will prevent us from future
sadness and pain. Hand in hand, we march
through the unknown together.
A SISTER'S
PERSPECTIVE
BY DEANA HOLLEY
Y
24
ou are never prepared for
getting news that someone
you love is going to have to
fight for their life. When I
found out my sister-who
is only two years older than
I am-was diagnosed with triple-negative
breast cancer, it felt like the world stopped.
I spent the following year watching her go
through treatments that wreaked havoc
on her fragile body but were ultimately
lifesaving.
I knew there would come a time when
we would have to explore the " why. " Why
did she get cancer and I didn't? She is so
healthy, she takes such good care of herself.
Why? I will never forget the day we
heard that the RAD51D mutation that was
once of uncertain significance was now extremely
significant. I was shopping at Target
when I got the phone call from my sister.
ELEPHANTSANDTEA.COM
DECEMBER 2022
" Today, I look at my scars and I see strength.
I see an even stronger bond with my sister. "
COVER STORY
I remember abandoning my shopping cart
and going straight home. She explained she
would need her fallopian tubes removed
as soon as possible, her ovaries removed
soon after, and that a double mastectomy
was recommended. As if fighting for her
life wasn't enough, now she had to endure
surgeries that will continue to change her
body forever.
Ultimately, I would have to be genetically
tested myself. Being a naturally anxious
person, waiting for the results was the worst.
Yet again, I will never forget the phone call.
I was driving downtown and had to pull my
car over so that I could cry and collapse into
the steering wheel. I would say disbelief was
the first thing I felt when I heard I had the
same genetic mutation as my sister. Next,
came panic.
Many doctor appointments followed
where I learned my options. Knowledge
is power ... or ignorance is bliss? I spent
months bouncing back and forth between
the two. How could I feel so blessed to have
this information (thank you, science), but
also wish I never knew so that fear wouldn't
take over my life? Knowing I had to now
worry about my daughter's future in addition
to my own tore me apart. After lots of
deliberating with my family, I knew removing
my fallopian tubes was the right first
step to ensuring I have a long and healthy
life. Already having two beautiful kids, I
knew my family was complete. However,
there's something about the finality of it all
that makes it feel so incredibly heavy. Are
there other ways I could grow my family in
the future if I wanted to? Sure. That was
definitely a comfort. Then came the abundance
of other questions: what do laparoscopic
scars look like? Would you be able
to see them? What will my husband think?
Flash forward to the day of surgery. It hit
me hard that day. It became real. I have a
vivid memory that has really stuck with me.
I kept thinking " Deana, you should take one
more look at your belly without scars. " But I
physically couldn't get myself to pull down
the blanket. It felt too difficult. The emotion
was so strong that all I wanted them to do
was put me to sleep so that it would be over.
I never looked.
Today, I look at my scars and I see
strength. I see an even stronger bond with
my sister. Doing something so drastic, even
as a precaution, was one of the hardest
decisions I have ever had to make. I know
that there are many more difficult decisions
in the future because of this news, but I'm
taking it one step at a time. What is helpful
is knowing that I am not alone in this. So
many women out there are making decisions
like this every day. They know their bodies
might never look the same, but having
a long and healthy life to live makes it an
easy choice. l
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Elephants and Tea - December 2022

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