Elephants and Tea - December 2022 - 8

Embracing My Body WORTHY OF LOVE
of course you were going to get deployed. "
While I believe this is true, I could not for the
life of me understand why I was going so soon.
I had just learned how to throw a grenade,
shoot a gun, manhandle a 50-cal, and use a
compass, along with other life-saving skills.
While I was in Iraq, I kept wondering what
it would be like when I got back to the States.
Would I come back with any missing limbs?
Would I engage in firefights? Would I return
with PTSD? Would I die?
Death constantly toyed with my imagination.
The one thing I did not imagine was
returning to my homeland with an enemy
inside me-Ewing's sarcoma. We didn't learn
how to prepare for an illness or an attack from
within our bodies.
Instead, we learned how to pack bullet
wounds on the bloody, we learned how to
clear a room, how to administer an IV, and
how to tell if a lung had collapsed.
I remember it like it was yesterday, the day
my life changed forever. The team of doctors
surrounded the foot of my bed and were so
hesitant to deliver the plan to me.
" Brandi. " The doctor shuffled the notes in his
hand like a nervous college student reluctant
to turn in the test. " We may have to cut your
leg off ... but, but we will try to do everything
we can ... to save it. " He was stuttering.
Ewing sarcoma is a very rare and aggressive
cancer, about 12,000 are diagnosed
nationwide, nearly half of those victims
perish, and only 3,000 make it past the fiveyear
mark. Ewing sarcoma is unheard of.
It is like the stepchild of cancers. My team
of doctors had never seen such a case, and
only studied it off of the medical pages in
medical school.
" This cancer is very aggressive; if we do
Am I Too
Ugly for
Self-Love?
BY BRANDI BENSON
8
ELEPHANTSANDTEA.COM
DECEMBER 2022
I
was 24 years old and had just
swapped out my college books
for a sleek M16 in the U.S.
Army. I dropped out of college
in hopes of finding financial
stability and a promising future
defending my country.
About six short months
later, after completing basic
training and AIT (Advanced
Individual Training), I found
myself in the heart of the Middle
Eastern war-Iraq-and I
was in complete shock.
Before you say, " Well, Brandi,
you did join the military ...
not catch it early, it can spread to your lungs,
brainstem, and spinal cord, " he said as he
parted his lips. " We won't know until we are
in your leg and testing the margins. So, we
cannot promise you. "
The cancer was very high in my leg. It destroyed
and attached itself to my adductor
muscle and my groin. It was like the disease
had a death grip on my leg-slowly devouring
everything in its path.
" Please let me keep my leg; I am an athlete.
I need my legs to run. " I glanced at my left
leg with a tumor the size of a small watermelon
protruding from the hospital cover.
" Cut as much as you like, but please let me
keep my leg. "
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Elephants and Tea - December 2022

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