Elephants and Tea - March 2023 - 30

Healing & Grief THE POWER OF CONNECTION
takes years for inflammation in my body
to subside after surgery. Even after my
medical treatment was over, my healing
had only just begun.
However, I missed seeing my team! After
seeing them every day, I felt cast out to sea
once more after my release from treatment.
I felt so incredibly isolated in my survivorship.
I had bonded with my healing team
and now I had " graduated. " I had been
employing my designer's background to
create healing modalities for myself while
I was undergoing treatment. Using beauty
and pleasure as a vehicle to healing, I
created rituals and techniques to get my
sexy back. I took these tips and began to
lead workshops for other survivors. And
what I discovered was that they all felt as
isolated after finishing their treatment as I
did! What we found in our shared experience
was that we had become initiates into
the Underworld, like the Greek goddess
Persephone. We survivors had a shared
vocabulary and an unspoken bond.
I had girlfriends who shuddered when I
said the word " cancer " and often tried to
change the subject when I brought it up.
They acted as if it was cooties they could
contract by its mere utterance rather than
an illness I was still feeling the effects
from. " It's over now-why do you need to
bring it up? "
Their inability to cope made me even
more invested in trying to reframe cancer
as a doorway that gave me insight
and agency. I was not a victim-I was an
initiate. I was not less, I was more. There
was no going back to the person I used to
be-I didn't want to go back! I wanted to
own my present, and that meant being real
about my body and my mindset.
What they don't tell you about survivorship
is that you lose a lot of fake friends-
friends who benefited from your voice
being stifled, your needs staying unmet,
and your boundaries being trampled. If
connection is the opposite of addiction,
then my claiming my own voice was the
opposite of self-abandonment. I was reconnecting
and bonding with me. And I was
forming bonds with those who allowed me
to share my journey uncensored.
Healing is an action verb. It is not a passive
thing that happens to you. You heal ac30
ELEPHANTSANDTEA.COM
MARCH
2023
tively through your mindset, through daily
practices, through seeking the right people
and spaces, by asking more questions, and
staying curious and engaged in your life.
You heal in layers that are sometimes not
linear but cyclical. I actively sought different
modalities of healing through nutrition,
exercise, myofascial massage, and
physical therapy. I healed through writing
my book, sharing my wisdom in workshops
with other survivors, and actively defining
my survivorship as a reconnection to
myself and others.
I went from keeping my cancer a secret
to sharing my story for the world to read.
I wanted to normalize the shadow in
all of us. Perfection is the farthest point
from authenticity and my survivorship
meant that I continue to share the parts
of me that make me human-my trials,
my challenges, my less-than-perfect bits.
I am still healing, both in body and soul.
And what heals me the most is my deeply
rooted belief in myself. I don't want to box
off what happened or try to forget it ever
did-I want to integrate my pain with my
joy, my shadow with my light.
Like Persephone who traverses the Upperworld
and the Underworld, I too want to
commute between the parts of us that need
healing and the parts of us that are healed.
To give space to the depth and breadth of
this thing we call life and transform my
survivorship into thrivership. To thrive
is to flourish, and I believe that being able
to speak about our reality is the first step
toward doing exactly that.
Joining groups like Twist Out Cancer
and becoming an Inspiration for their
Brushes with Cancer Program was so incredibly
healing for me. In the words of
Johann Hari: " The core of that message-
'you're not alone and we love you' has to
be at every level of how we respond " to
someone suffering any calamity, whether
it's addiction or cancer. Connection is
healing. We must continue connecting and
healing together to truly thrive. Creating a
safe space for survivors to share their stories
is such a nourishing tea for those of us
carrying the elephant on our backs. I feel
like I can sit down and unburden myself
for a while. We are not alone-and yes, I
love you, too. l
MAHWISH SYED IS AN
AWARD-WINNING FASHION
AND INTERIOR DESIGNER,
BEST-SELLING AUTHOR,
AND PROUD MOTHER.
SHE HAS DRESSED BODIES
AND HOUSES FOR MORE
THAN TWO DECADES AND
CONTINUALLY CIRCLES
BACK TO HER PASSION
FOR MYTHOLOGY AND
SYMBOLISM, EXPLORING IN
HER WORK AND WRITING
THE CROSSROADS WHERE
DESIGN, HEALING, AND
MYTH INTERSECT. SHE
DESIGNS BEAUTIFUL
ENVIRONMENTS THAT
HEAL AND NOURISH
HER CLIENTS, WHICH
HAVE BEEN FEATURED
IN THE NEW YORK
TIMES, ARCHITECTURAL
DIGEST, ELLE DÉCOR, AND
HAMPTONS COTTAGES
& GARDENS. HER BOOK,
PURGATORY TO PARADISE,
DESCRIBES HER CANCER
JOURNEY THROUGH DESIGN
AND IS AVAILABLE ON
AMAZON.
Website:
www.msd-ny.com
Book:
amzn.to/3MqBsNl
Instagram:
www.instagram.com/mahwish_
syed_designs/
TikTok:
www.tiktok.com/@mahwish_
syed_designs?lang=en
Facebook:
www.facebook.com/mahwishsyeddesigns
http://www.msd-ny.com https://amzn.to/3MqBsNl https://www.instagram.com/mahwish_syed_designs/ https://www.instagram.com/mahwish_syed_designs/ https://www.tiktok.com/@mahwish_syed_designs?lang=en https://www.tiktok.com/@mahwish_syed_designs?lang=en https://www.facebook.com/mahwishsyeddesigns https://www.facebook.com/mahwishsyeddesigns http://www.ELEPHANTSANDTEA.COM
Elephants and Tea - March 2023

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