Elephants and Tea - One Herd - 13

Our Voices
me that fertility preservation and family
planning options were never discussed
with us. Again, was it because we were not
seen as a couple who could potentially want
a family one day?
Once my treatment was completed, I
" One of the
lessons I
learned in
going through
cancer is the
importance of
self-advocacy.
Kelley and
I needed to
insist upon
recognition
of our
relationship
and Kelley's
role in
supporting
me and
advocating
on my behalf. "
was considered a success story-nothing
more was needed from the perspective
of my oncology team. I think about the
difficult conversations Kelley and I faced
during and after my treatment. A social
worker stopped by to chat with me on the
first day of treatment, following hours of
waiting for pre-authorization, where I sat
in the infusion chair awaiting the start of
my chemotherapy. Honestly, I will never
remember what she said to me. It was not
the right time, nor the right place. I wasn't
asked again whether I was coping well,
maintaining mental wellness, or whether
Kelley and I needed help navigating what
would come next.
We managed post-treatment survivorship
on our own. Of course we celebrated
my completion of cancer treatment, and,
over time, the resolution of many physical
side effects and the fading of fear. After
several months, Kelley brought up the
idea of starting a family; she felt ready. I
began discussing fertility with my oncologist
and my body's ability to carry a child
during follow-up appointments. That was
the extent of my care team's involvement
in our goal of building a family. With my
oncologist's approval, Kelley and I made
an appointment with the fertility specialist
to move forward with our plan. Two years
later, we welcomed a baby into our family-our
post-cancer gift.
My career path took a circuitous route
following my need to turn down the job
offer that came just before diagnosis. I
stayed at the job I had and was incredibly
grateful for the flexibility and support
offered to me during treatment. I also
recognized the change that had taken
place in me. I felt less fearful about taking
risks and more self-confident. I left the
stability of my job to try something new
by creating a nonprofit organization to
support children in the community with
a colleague. I then turned to the role of
staying home with my son. These were
years I treasured in building memories
with my child and family.
Ultimately, I came to the realization
that there were missed moments in my
oncology care. There were conversations
that, had they happened, may have meant
treatment and survivorship marked by improved
mental well-being, less isolation,
and better self-advocacy. I was treated as
though I was going through cancer alone.
In reality, my wife was by my side the
entire time; but this was not recognized
by my oncology care provider. We wanted
to start a family, but this was never
discussed by my oncology care provider.
I wanted to move forward in my career,
but this was not considered as part of my
oncology care.
One of the lessons I learned in going
through cancer is the impor tance of
self-advocacy. Kelley and I needed to insist
upon recognition of our relationship
and Kelley's role in supporting me and
advocating on my behalf. We needed to
engage in conversations with my oncology
care team about our desire to start a family
and my concerns about work, not only at
the beginning of my treatment when I was
exhausted and worried, but throughout my
treatment and beyond. We also needed the
oncology team to recognize that we had just
received the most frightening information
in the form of a cancer diagnosis and that
we might be unsure how to navigate what
comes next. We needed them to take the
lead in engaging with us.
When I learned I had left cancer behind,
my reflection on what was missed and how
care can be improved led me back to my
work. I joined the team at The Leukemia &
Lymphoma Society to advocate for patients
who have just received a cancer diagnosis
and caregivers whose relationship with
a patient may not be recognized, and to
provide cancer patients and caregivers
with empowering information when they
might feel too overwhelmed to find it on
their own.
It definitely mattered. l
ELEPHANTSANDTEA.ORG
ONE HERD ISSUE 2025
13
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Elephants and Tea - One Herd

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