Elephants and Tea - One Herd - 22

Our Voices
Once Upon a Time...
I
BY MICHELLE LAWRENCE
t took 365 days and dozens of doctor visits
before I was finally diagnosed with cancer.
The professionals thought it was in my head,
especially since I was a young female who looked
healthy. It turned out to be a rare cancer. Thirteen years later,
I knew something else was wrong, but doctors didn't believe
me again! They thought it was in my head. If only they had
listened, both times, to what I was saying.
Once upon a time, there was a 30-yearold
woman who had a medium build, long
flowing blonde hair, beautiful fair skin, and
sparkly blue eyes. She was the epitome of
health. This young woman had a successful
career, was happily married, had a beautiful
home, and finally felt secure about who
she was. The next step was to start a family
to carry on her lineage and experience
motherhood. It sounded impressive, and
it was until the universe turned her world
upside down.
My fairytale life was short and sweet and
became a Hans Christian Andersen tale.
First, it started with unrelenting fatigue. I
spent my time sleeping or planning my next
nap. Caffeine became my drug of choice;
drinking loads of it in any form to try and
stay awake. Completing everyday tasks
and performing at work started to become
a challenge. Confused, I called the doctor
and asked for help. The doctor's office asked
to see me the next day.
At the doctor's office, the doctor, whom
we will call Dr. J, performed a quick physical
exam and ran some blood work. Dr.
J looked at me, confused. " Michelle, you
are fine. You are a little anemic, and your
white cell count is up a little. " I sat there in
silence, screaming inside. I didn't feel fine!
Her suggestions were to add more iron to
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my diet and rest. Rest?! Did Dr. J forget
why I came? Is she listening to me?! All I
do is sleep . . .
A month passed, and nothing improved.
Sleeping was my new career. I was barely
showing up for work. Simple everyday
chores became unattainable tasks. My job
and call to motherhood were put on hold.
I had to ask for help to make it through the
day. Something I HATED doing. Scared,
I went to see Dr. J again; she performed
another quick exam and ran blood work. I
was still anemic, and my white cell count
was up. She looked at me and started to
drill me about my diet. I assured her I had
added iron-enriched foods. She reluctantly
prescribed an iron supplement and told me
my white cell count was probably up because
my body was fighting a cold or something.
In my gut, I knew this wasn't diet related.
This bouquet of symptoms was something
serious. I drove home crying. She wasn't
listening. I had been putting on a brave
face for everyone, but inside I was terrified
because I felt unseen and unheard.
My career was falling apart, and my relationship
was strained. My partner couldn't
comprehend how my fatigue ruled me. I
began to experience other symptoms that
weren't " normal " : hot flashes, night sweats,
migraines, and generalized body pain. Any
awake time was spent worrying and trying
to hold my life together. I called Dr. J, again.
Off to the office, I went for a quick exam
and bloodwork. Sound familiar? This time
she thought I might be pregnant; she ran
more bloodwork. I knew I wasn't, and the
bloodwork returned confirming my prediction.
Then, Dr. J asked about my diet
and stress level and referred me to mental
health services. Horrified, I silently
walked out of the office feeling disheartened.
I knew my symptoms weren't related
to my mental health; this was related to
my physical health.
Dr. J asked her medical team to consult
on my case. Her colleagues also thought
it was related to mental health and that
I was imagining these symptoms. After
several visits, Dr. J diagnosed me with
pregnancy again (it was negative), an infection
of unknown origin, Lyme disease,
sinus infections, anemia, and back to
mental health. Some might be thinking,
why didn't you get a new doctor? The
truth is that at the time, I lived in a small
town, and I had limited access to medical
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