MY LIFE Matters: Health and Wellness Issue - 34

Sexuality INTIMATE ISSUES WITH MARLOE
the same kindness and comfort to ourselves
that we would offer to others. In fact, we
can be pretty cruel. But what if we treated
ourselves like we'd treat a good friend?
Choosing to utilize the Friend Lens is
a great example of practicing body selfcompassion.
Being self-compassionate
means recognizing negative self-talk, selfcriticism
and self-judgment, and actively
replacing these thoughts with kindness and
understanding. It might feel unnatural at
first, but stick with it. Self-compassion is
a skill that you can strengthen; and with
practice, it becomes habit. Check out the
work of Dr. Kristin Neff to get some great
ideas on how to get started.
4. HAVE A LOVED ONE REFLECT
YOUR IMAGE
5. LET YOUR PARTNER SEE YOU
If you are currently in a romantic relationship,
think for a moment about your partner's
best qualities. What's at the top of the
list? Is it their straight teeth, or their nipples,
maybe? Or are you more apt to consider
their humor, kindness, generosity, or confidence?
Finding someone attractive goes far
beyond the physical. And if we are taking
into account so much more than physical
attributes when we look at our partners, can
we appreciate that they are also taking into
account so much more than our body parts
when finding beauty and value in us?
Your partner is actually quite likely to be
If it's hard for you to look at yourself in a
mirror and identify things you feel positively
about, enlist some help! We are poor interpreters
of our own reflection because we tend
to break ourselves down into body parts and
focus on what's changed or what we've lost.
Other people, though, recognize and take
into account the whole picture.
To do this exercise, sit in front of your
partner or a friend, and allow him or her
to reflect back to you everything they see
when they look at you, including what they
love about who you are. We might not have
control over all of our physical traits, but
we can learn to view ourselves in the same
ways our loved ones see us. Getting their
perspective helps us reinterpret the meaning
of our reflection in the mirror.
unconditionally accepting of your changed
body. Where you see imperfection, they find
strength and resilience. With this in mind,
consider resisting the urge to go behind
closed doors. When you (consciously or
unconsciously) hide yourself in the bathroom
or closet to dress or undress, you are
depriving your partner of the opportunity
to show and tell you that they still find you
(the whole you!) amazing, and that they
love you just the way you are. Give them
the chance to do so!
6. REDISCOVER PLEASURABLE
TOUCH
Receiving treatment for cancer often
requires us to expose private,
parts of ourselves. I mean, I have never had
so many people interested in my pooping
BIBLIOGRAPHY/RESOURCES:
* American Cancer Society. (2020). " Fertility and sexual side effects in people with cancer. " https://www.cancer.org/treatment/treatments-and-side-effects/physical-sideeffects/fertility-and-sexual-side-effects.html.
*
Aubin, S., Perez, S., " The Clinician's Tool Box: Assessing the Sexual Impacts of Cancer on Adolescents and Young Adults with Cancer (AYAC), " Sexual Medicine, 2015(3):
198-212 (2015).
* Chiyon Yi, J., Syrjala, K. L., " Overview of Cancer Survivorship in Adolescent and Young Adults, " UpToDate (2017). https://www.uptodate.com/contents/overview-ofcancer-survivorship-in-adolescent-and-young-adults.
[Accessed June 21, 2018.]
* Cornell Health, " Sensate Focus, 2019. https://health.cornell.edu/sites/health/files/pdf-library/sensate-focus.pdf.
* Foley, S., Kope, S. A., & Sugrue, D.P., Sex Matters for Women: A Complete Guide to Taking Care of Your Sexual Self (2nd Ed.), The Guilford Press (2012).
* Katz, A., " This Should Not Be Happening: Young Adults with Cancer, " Oncology Nursing Society, 2014.
* Katz, A., " Meeting the Need for Psychosocial Care in Young Adults with Cancer, " Oncology Nursing Society (2019).
* Macmillan Cancer Support. " Cancer and Body Image, 2019. https://www.macmillan.org.uk/cancer-information-and-support/stories-and-media/booklets/body-imageandCancer.
[Accessed on April 5, 2023.]
* Neff, K., " Exercise 1: How Would You Treat a Friend? " 2020. https://self-compassion.org/exercise-1-treat-friend/. [Accessed April 5, 2023.]
* Neff, K., " Self-Compassion, " 2020. https://self-compassion.org/. [Accessed April 5, 2023.]
* Stanton, A. M., Handy, A. B., Meston, C. M., " Sexual Function in Adolescents and Young Adults Diagnosed with Cancer: A Systematic Review, " Journal of Cancer
Survivorship, 12(1):47-63 (2018).
34
MY LIFE MATTERS
HEALTH AND WELLNESS ISSUE SPRING 2023
Negative emotions are an inevitable part of
our cancer experience. We may feel anger,
fear, frustration, and resentment of our
bodies or jealousy of our healthy peers, just
to name a few. We may try to find someone
or something to blame, and often times it
Grief is a natural reaction to loss, and
acknowledging losses can be a healthy route
to healing. Consider saying goodbye to the
things or body parts you've lost during your
cancer journey. It could be in the form of a
goodbye letter to a lost or altered body part,
or to your pre-cancer self. In the spirit of
moving forward, consider writing a welcoming
letter to the new you.
intimate
8. PRACTICE FORGIVENESS
habits in my life! Not to mention the eyes
and hands of so many strangers on my chest.
One way of coping with these uncomfortable
or distressing situations is to subconsciously
disconnect from our bodies. But once
treatment is over, it can be hard to reverse
this protective mechanism.
Doing so requires relearning your body
as a source of pleasure. Start by taking some
time to get reacquainted with what feels
good and how your body responds to touch.
Explore for yourself what's changed about
your body, without the pressure of performance
that might be felt in the presence of
a partner. When you are ready to connect
again physically with your partner, you
can share what you've learned during your
self-study. Sensate focus exercises can also
help you and your partner work together,
find pleasure, enjoyment, and connection
through touch.
7. ALLOW GRIEVING

https://self-compassion.org/exercise-1-treat-friend/ https://self-compassion.org/ https://health.cornell.edu/sites/health/files/pdf-library/sensate-focus.pdf https://elephantsandtea.com/sexuality/a-goodbye-letter-to-my-breasts/ https://www.cancer.org/treatment/treatments-and-side-effects/physical-side-effects/fertility-and-sexual-side-effects.html https://www.cancer.org/treatment/treatments-and-side-effects/physical-side-effects/fertility-and-sexual-side-effects.html https://www.uptodate.com/contents/overview-of-cancer-survivorship-in-adolescent-and-young-adults https://www.uptodate.com/contents/overview-of-cancer-survivorship-in-adolescent-and-young-adults https://health.cornell.edu/sites/health/files/pdf-library/sensate-focus.pdf https://cdn.macmillan.org.uk/dfsmedia/1a6f23537f7f4519bb0cf14c45b2a629/791-source/body-image-mac14192 https://cdn.macmillan.org.uk/dfsmedia/1a6f23537f7f4519bb0cf14c45b2a629/791-source/body-image-mac14192 https://www.self-compassion.org/exercise-1-treat-friend/ https://www.self-compassion.org/

MY LIFE Matters: Health and Wellness Issue

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