MY LIFE Matters - Spring 2024 - 6

Empowering the Next Generation A MOTHER'S PERSPECTIVE
that kind of realness was too much for
my Darius, so I learned to separate them
when we would process our thoughts and
feelings. Understanding that each of your
children will process emotions differently
is so important as you navigate how to
share and grieve together.
Parenting has been the greatest gift
I have ever received. I have found that
parenting through a cancer diagnosis is
HARD and BEAUTIFUL and WILD and
HEART WRENCHING, and breathtakingly
wondrous, and so much more! It's
not for the faint of heart, but I'm here to
tell you, I am so proud of us.
Here we are, no guidebook, lit t le
strength, brain fog, neuropathy, nausea,
surgeries upon surgeries, juggling sports,
ballet, homework, countless appointments,
side effects, and new medications.
I SEE YOU, crying in the shower.
I SEE YOU, wondering if you're failing
every day.
I SEE YOU, trying to find joy while
you're bone-weary tired.
I SEE you, cancer veteran, newly diagnosed,
years in, or years out.
I SEE you, parenting still, loving still,
cheering still, falling, and getting up over
and over again, still.
Give yourself grace.
Allow the tears to fall (even in front
of your babies). That one is hard for me,
but I've come to learn that vulnerability
breeds vulnerability. Take time for YOU.
I know the little voice in your head says
it's selfish, but we can't pour from an
empty cup.
Reach out to the community. We aren't
meant to do life alone. Lean in. Ask for
help. When you can, BE the help. This
really is " the worst club with the best
members, " as The Breasties say.
When that little, LOUD voice in your
head tells you lies about who you are and
how you're failing, silence it with TRUTH.
YOU ARE LOVED.
YOU ARE CHOSEN.
YOU ARE NOT PERFECT,
YET YOU ARE RESILIENT.
YOU will fail in this role of parenting,
and you will also have WINS!
Grace upon grace, we are still here,
breath in our lungs, hope in our hearts.
Here's some hope from my now nine-yearold
daughter. l
6
MY LIFE MATTERS
EMPOWERED | SPRING 2024
Having your parents diagnosed with cancer is scary, believe me, I have been there. When
my Mom was diagnosed with breast cancer, I was just three years old, and honestly, I
don't remember much of the first year or two. I remember my Mom losing her hair and
being bald and how much I loved doing her makeup and reminding her that she was
beautiful. My Mom would make sure to have tea parties with me so we could spend time
together doing fun things and not just worrying about her being sick. At the time I thought
it was just fun times with my bald Mom lol, but now I see that she was spending as much
time with me just in case she didn't live longer. So, to the parents who have cancer and
kids, I would say, spend as much time as you can with your children, but make sure to be
honest with them. Many times, parents think that lying to us is protecting us, but if you tell
the truth then we will feel like we can trust you. Also please keep reminding us how much
we mean to you and how much you love us. We might roll our eyes, but deep down we
love you too!
To my fellow " previvors " (those of us who have a family history of cancer and a higher
risk of getting cancer), I want you to know that you are loved and heard. When you have
those days where you feel worried, here are a few tips that I do that may help you as well!
* Take some time alone when you feel overwhelmed. Taking a warm bubble bath or
listening to calm music has helped me a lot.
* Try a new hobby! I have really loved learning to cook and bake! It's been kind of therapeutic
and has helped me take my mind off some of the harder days of cancer.
* I love taking time to pray and do yoga or journal. It's my quiet time to myself, which
has helped me discover how I'm really feeling. It's kinda like a cool little checkup with
yourself instead of a doctor!
* Don't be scared of going to see a therapist. It can really help to get good tips to empower
us to not be so scared or to express our feelings!
Before I finish, I want to tell each kid who has had a parent who's been told they have
cancer a few things. First, YOU ARE NOT ALONE! My Mom says this to the adults all the
time, but it's true for us too! They're a lot of us out there who have gone through this!
Second, find a friend or adult that you can talk to. Don't keep it all in, LET IT OUT in a
healthy way! And finally, let's make sure we are checking our bodies for how it normally
feels, so that if anything feels different we can tell our parents and feel empowered and
not scared!
Don't forget you are loved and courageous!
THOUGHTS FROM A 10 YEAR OLD PREVIVOR:
FOR KIDS LIKE ME AND THEIR PARENTS
BY DANIELLA MILLER

MY LIFE Matters - Spring 2024

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