SEAHO Report - Fall 2021 - 24

FEATURE ARTICLES
" Some of my fondest and most difficult experiences as a live-in parent have been impacted by relationships with
my colleagues. As I reflect on a few I intend to share with you, two commonalities that consistently impacted
my relationships with my colleagues were personal stories and adaptation. For personal stories, I came to
understand on a greater level that you do not know what you do not know, until someone shows you, or chooses
to tell you.
I remember being new to an institution, and a graduate assistant I was responsible for supervising told me they
were unsure I could do the job and be a mom during our first meeting together during training. The grad further
shared that they believed I was the first coordinator at the institution to be a live-in mom, and they had not seen
or heard it being done before.
I respected them sharing their reasons in the beginning of our relationship. I validated them for being honest
and asked if they had any concerns with my ability to support them and our team. They stated that in the
past they never really felt supported and therefore had no expectations of me, because I was a mom and they
doubted I would be available much. I explained to them that my priority was indeed my family first and then my
occupation. I clarified that that did not mean that one or the other would suffer, it simply meant that I would
be as proactively communicative and action oriented as possible to ensure everyone and everything would be
appropriately supported and taken care of. Being a partner, parent, and live-in professional is a strength, not a
weakness. "
Deanna C. Hughes
Residence Hall Manager/ Mother of Three
Florida State University
" The hardest thing I had to learn was that some coworkers will understand and respect the new you and others
won't. Some will celebrate that you have a new sense of work-life balance/integration. Others will think you
don't care about your job like you used to, that you're not prioritizing the right things, and will get upset when
you don't respond swiftly or no longer operate with a sense of urgency for everything all of the time. When
this happened, I had to step back and tell myself - " Kimberly, let others paint you as they wish. The truth will
ultimately come out. " I won't lie, I shed a lot of tears because I felt completely misunderstood. I felt betrayed by
people who painted me a certain type of way while I was out, leaving me to pick up all of the pieces and defend
myself upon my return. Once I realized none of that was within my realm of control, I kept moving and I found
my peace. My relationship with others healed when the truth did eventually come out. "
Kimberly Bradley
Assistant Director of Residence Life/ Mother of One
Virginia Commonwealth University
Serving On Call
" As a partner, parent and professional, I always consult my husband and the family calendar. Right now, our
little ones are 7, 4, and 2 years of age. COVID has presented some intentional shifts in how we have signed
them up for activities like cheer, tee ball, swimming, etc. But with prayer, safety precautions, and countless
conversations and trust in our community, we still enable them to socialize and engage in activities outside of
school.
Being that my husband and 7-year old have a healthy understanding of what it means for wifey and mommy
to be essential personnel and serve on duty, we have proactive discussions before that team meeting when we
schedule it out. We openly discuss when sacrifices need to be made on our part, so we can maximize the days we
have planned to accomplish our wants and needs.
When the team meeting arrives each semester, I have my list of duty weeks I can do and duty weeks I cannot do
alongside my why. I share which ones are my non-negotiables and have oftentimes been willing to take on an
extra week or holidays to ensure that I am role modeling that my family comes first and then my occupation.
It also proves to my department that I still value my position on the team and our department. As long as my
family is good, I am great and therefore my department and residential community I supervise is great.
24

SEAHO Report - Fall 2021

Table of Contents for the Digital Edition of SEAHO Report - Fall 2021