SEAHO Report - Winter 2022 - 41

FEATURE ARTICLES
(Trigger Warning: Miscarriage)
" I became a first-time mom in May 2018 when we learned we were expecting twins but neither of
them had heartbeats. I share this with you bleakly because it is almost word-for-word how it was
shared with us by our ultrasound tech. It was the darkest time of my life. I was filled with self-doubt
and at times, rage. This is the time in my career that my approach to work and relationships shifted
drastically. The support I received from colleagues varied anywhere from small tokens to forever
keep Baby A and Baby B in my memory to that of a leader in our department asking me if I had
thought about freezing my eggs. If you're ever wondering how to support someone facing loss, I'm
appalled to have to advise student affairs professionals against the latter! I withdrew from people
and began to hate the well-intended question, 'How are you?'
Day-by-day I pieced together my shattered heart and continued to hope toward our future family.
Fast forward to May 2019 and we were blessed with our rainbow baby. Even still, a day did not pass
where I did not feel like I deserved her and that at any moment I could lose her. This was a reality for
me months into her life. It is at this moment that I feel compelled to tell any parent facing loss that I
am deeply sorry that you are facing this but I also need you to know that it is not your fault and there
is nothing further you could have done to prevent this from happening. Surround yourself with loved
ones that are supportive, get a new doctor, and take all of the time that you and your partner need
to cope with this loss. "
Kimberly Bradley
Assistant Director of Residence Life/ Mother of One
Virginia Commonwealth University
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" In my short months of motherhood, here are the biggest pieces of advice I would offer to a new
mother.
1. Acknowledge the difference between maternity leave and vacation. My first week
back in the office, I remember being asked, " Dr. Jones, glad to have you back; how was
your vacation? " I would respond, " I was on maternity leave and not vacation. I am still
healing from major abdominal surgery and up at all hours of the night feeding, changing,
and entertaining a newborn. " While I knew the comments may have been in jest, I realize I
was out at a critical time when housing is expected to work countless hours getting students
tested and moved in, but the babies run the show. Even when maternity leave is up, returning
to work may be exhausting. Don't let people downplay having a baby and maternity leave. It
is no walk in the park.
2. There may be times where you don't want to say no, but parenthood requires you
to say no. Say no, AND DON'T FEEL GUILTY ABOUT IT. I love supporting students!
Sometimes, this support means working after hours. Pre-baby, I could stay at work past the
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SEAHO Report - Winter 2022

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