The Samaritan Connection - 8

The Grit of Growth through Woundedness
By Judith Kennedy, MS, MA, NBCC, LPC
In our training as therapists, we are
conditioned against self-disclosure, and
so the requests of late to tell our story
about our entry into the field of therapy is different. However,
so are the times in which we are living. The human stories
of therapists are not just our own, but the stories of many who
come to therapy. Even when not, therapists have cultivated
the capacity to empathize and to utilize helpful resources.
When I reflect on what led me to enter the field of therapy,
it is difficult to separate it from my " spiritual journey " . One
of my earliest memories is sitting in the shared silence of my
grandmother and father when I was about 6 years old. In
retrospect, they were in shock from traumatic loss. In those
days, pastors were the sole counselors. In our church, at that
time, several families simultaneously lost loved ones in " the
baseball special " train crash of 1962. The ripple effect of
that crash continued over time, just as today lives are forever
changed by traumatic and violent losses.
I recall the day my very religious father angrily pronounced
he was " no longer a Christian " . He was clearly going through
his own " dark night of the soul " . Silence was the unspoken
rule about tragedy, grief, depression, hopelessness. This covert
rule was the case not only in our family, but in American
culture at that time. One held things inside until a day it
could not be held any longer. My father, with time, came out
the other side. He returned to life and purposefulness. He
returned to teaching adult Sunday classes where he permitted
a great deal of open discussion. I know because I attended
his classes as a teenager. However, the events of 1962 were
never discussed and several of the surviving family members,
including my father, died an early death. One cannot say the
extent to which unexpressed traumatic grief contributed to
the early deaths, but it led me to wonder.
It was in a university religion department where I was
introduced to " depth psychology " and began to see the
relationship between therapy and spirituality as a way out of
darkness. A way to put words to stories, a way to find stories
that provide hope and courage. A way to break silences that
prolong pain. It occurred to me then that none of us are
guaranteed a life without strife. My theological views evolved
to see that when " bad things happen to good people " it is
not because we are being tested or punished by God. On the
contrary, this is a time when Love can be most with us, where
growth is most likely to occur. That more perfect Love can
be sensed while alone in contemplation, but also in family
and in community. " Back in the day, " our church community
did not speak with us about it, but we, nonetheless, felt " the
tie that binds " . It was also a place of safety, so essential to
recovery from trauma.
In terms of the practice of therapy, we therapists must
first attune to the pain of the person before us. We first
locate sources of safety, security and support. If that cannot
be found by that person at that time in other people, then
we look for it in nature, in one's spiritual life if solid, in our
felt connection with the natural world, through animal
companions, through physical exercise, to name a few.
I
believe that as Bessel Van der Kolk says, " the body keeps
the score. " We are often disconnected from the body either
due to centuries of prejudices against it, or because trauma
occurred to the body. However, our body registers our
emotions, and our emotions are tied in with our narratives.
As we can work with settling the distressing emotions (and
there are various ways of doing this), we can then process in
a healthy way our narratives and create new ones that permit
movement and expansiveness as opposed to restrictiveness
and rigidity. We can move toward increased trust in
others. We can " pay it forward, " find ways to accept our life
experiences and create a new way of being in the world. This
may sound quite lofty, and to be frank, sometimes, and even
often, the pain remains, but it is held differently; new life
can emerge, new and deeper appreciations of expressions of
beauty, freedom, fun and giving back.
Judith Kennedy
Author of Salted Wakings and To See in the Night; Co-edited
The Civil War Memoir of Sgt Christian Lenker, Judith's great
grandfather; co-wrote with Herb Landis, LCSW, the film
guide, Landscapes of Grief and Mourning, for the film based on
the writing and artwork of Carol Emerson, LCSW.
Judith now offers a workshop, " Poetry Way: Reflective
Reading, Expressive Writing During Challenging Times " .
8 * The Samaritan Connection
The Samaritan Connection

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