Cooperative Living May 2024 - 34

RURAL LIVING
Mud About You
The naked truth about nature walks
by Margo Oxendine, Contributing Columnist
I
f you love to walk
in the woods, as
many rural folks
do, then taking the
" road less traveled "
can either be a
wonderful thing,
or it can turn out to be an awful thing.
Guess which one happened to me?
When the horses I love have been
moved for the winter, the magic is gone
from my everyday walk. So, I decided
to take a diff erent trail. I used to take
this trail years ago. It was beautiful then,
and remote, and I rarely encountered
another hiker, which was a bonus.
Well, things on this trail today are
changing. Every hundred yards now,
new driveways are going in. Th is requires
a lot of heavy equipment. None was
there on the day I was there, but
evidence remained. Th ere were huge
tire tracks and big holes. It was
disheartening. It had also just rained
for days, so I had to watch my step.
I walked about a mile or so on this
trail and then decided to turn around.
On my way back, I inadvertently
slipped into a big mud hole. It was about
knee-deep, and so was I. Try as I may,
I couldn't pull out my foot. Th en, of
course, I fell.
Now both feet, and
most of me, was stuck in a
big mud bog. I put my hands down to
sort of push up and out, but instead,
I just sank deeper. I then decided to try
rolling out. No dice. I could see fi rmer
ground not far away, but there was no
big stick or rock to use as a fulcrum.
I was good and stuck.
I could see several rooſt ops way over
on the other side of the hill. Hoping
someone was outside within shouting
distance, I did what I have never had to
do. I yelled: " Help! Help me, please! "
No one answered.
I know that this trail has no cell
service. But I always still carry my
cellphone as a precaution, just in case.
I dug my muddied phone out of my
pocket. I was truly covered from collar
to shoes in thick mud. Aſt er wiping
the phone off , I could see that the
screen said " no service, " but I could
also see a teensy pinprick of a dot at
the end of one bar.
What the heck? I decided to try 911.
It would soon be dark; I had nothing
to lose.
It worked! I got the emergency
dispatcher. I told her where I was.
" I can see you on my locator, " she said.
I was encouraged. I said I didn't need
the rescue squad, but I did need at least
" one strong deputy to drag me out
of this mud bog. "
I waited and waited. But I
felt relieved that someone was
coming. Th en my phone rang.
Th e dispatcher said the deputy
couldn't fi nd me. " I'm just off the
trail, " I said. " You're on the trail, not
the gravel road? " she asked, sounding
rather awed. I waited some more, my
eyes trained on the trail for any sign
of an approaching deputy.
Th en I fi nally saw him and he fi nally
saw me. " I have never been so glad to
see anyone in my life! " I shouted at him.
Th is happened to be a big, muscled
deputy that I know and like very much.
He was calm; I was not. He managed
to haul me up, but I nearly knocked
both of us down the hill.
Later, when I drove home soaked
in mud, I didn't even want those
clothes in the house. I undressed on
my porch, hoping no one passing by
on the highway below would notice
me. Even my underwear was soaked
with mud. Off it all came, right out
there in the open.
I haven't yet heard any reports that
anyone saw me naked on my porch.
Believe me, around these rural parts
that's a tale that would have traveled far
and wide, and fast, so I guess this story
ends on a positive note.
*
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call 540-468-2147 Mon.-Wed., 9 a.m.-5 p.m.,
or email therecorderoffi ce@gmail.com.
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Cooperative Living May 2024

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